


Something wicked

by grimmie_me



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Angst, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Murder, Psychological Trauma, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-02 03:53:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimmie_me/pseuds/grimmie_me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a prompt on norsekink:<br/>Cop!Thor and partners are looking for a serial killer who kidnaps, tortures and rapes teenaged boys.  Unable to catch him and with the victim count rising, they have no other choice but to use bait.  Bait in the form of Thor's 16- year old brother Loki.  Their plan goes wrong and the serial killer gets away...with his new toy.  Thor and his team must now do everything they can to find Loki before it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Another victim

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Marvel does.  
> Original prompt here: (http://norsekink.livejournal.com/11337.html?thread=26061385#t26061385) Be advised that I may change some scenes in reposting it here since I'm never truly satisfied with my own fics.

“Listen up, people!” Captain Fury yelled into the chaos that was his police department.  “We’ve got another one.”  
  
Nobody needed to ask what he was talking about.  It was the ninth victim in a row and by now they knew the pattern by heart: their serial killer would abduct a male teenager between 16 and 18 with a pale complexion and black hair, rape and torture them for a week and then brutally murder them and leave the body for the homicide department to find.

So far they had been able to keep the case largely out of the media, but it seemed like that would only be a matter of time if the tally kept rising like this.  The guy only waited a week before kidnapping a new victim, barely enough time to decide on who he was going to take next and where he would do it.  He was one of the most active killers they had ever had in their city.

And despite that, the guy never made a mistake.  The crime scenes were devoid of fingerprints, he used a condom while raping those poor kids so that no DNA was left behind, there was no trail of blood, no tiretracks, no nothing.  Fury drove them relentlessly, but even he had to admit they had precious few leads to work with.

Officer Thor Odinson looked along with the rest of the present force while their commander showed them the pictures of the last dumped body.  The kid could not have been older than 17 and beneath the blood and bruises that were all over his face, you could still see that he had been beautiful.  Autopsies had shown that the perp saved their faces for last, just before he killed them.  Apparently the bastard liked them to look pretty when he had his fun with them.  The child (young adult?) lay with his face to the side and naked where the killer had dumped him on his front in an alley between two warehouses at the docks.  There were photo’s from every angle, showing bruises, cuts, burns, ropebites and other injuries that Thor couldn’t place immediately.

Thor felt bile rise in his gut: every time he saw one of those victims, his mind tricked him for just a moment into thinking that it was his own younger brother laying there.  Loki was only 16 himself and had the same slender build, pale skin and dark hair.  They had lived together ever since their parents had died two years earlier and Thor had gotten custody, being 5 years older and having just entered the policeforce.  He thanked the gods every night he came home to find Loki there with dinner or reading or doing schoolwork.  His brother was safe for now and Thor had made sure he stayed safe by asking him to not go out alone.  Loki had looked at him questioningly, but aquised and said he would walk with Sigyn and Amora who lived in the same apartment block.

“Our victim is 17 year old Mark Rodney.  He was nabbed on the way home from school a week ago.” Fury’s voice brought Thor back to the problem at hand.   “Forensics is all over that crimescene with a fine comb, gentlemen, we’ll have their preliminary report by this evening.  For now, I want all of you to go and question possible eyewitnesses, have a good look around the docks.  Hammer, I want you and Rogers to go and speak with the victim’s parents and friends.  Anything could prove to be the break we need to finally nail this bastard to the wall.  Get to it!”

A chorus of ‘Yes, sir.’ sounded as they gathered their paperwork.  Thor’s partner Phil Coulson joined him at his desk, together with Rogers and Hammer.  “So, another one.” Justin Hammer said while Thor collected his stuff. 

“The ninth one.” Steve Rogers said, his blue eyes narrowed with anger and his blond hair askew.  “I sure wish I could get my hands on the bastard.”  Steve was a good cop, one of the best, with a heart of gold and a willingness to help that made working with him a pleasure.  Justin was a good talker, which was why he mostly handled the talks with the victim’s parents.  He did however have a tendency to blurt out blunt things when among friends and that made him a little less than the perfect partner.

Justin demonstrated this abilty once more when he took up the picture from Thor’s desk of himself and his brother and said casually.  “Maybe we should think about using bait to reel him in.  Your brother looks like he fits the profile: young, slender, pale and easy on the eyes.”

Thor saw red for a moment and only Phil’s ever calm hand on his arm restrained him from hitting his co-worker.  “Out of the question.” he growled, “This is way too dangerous a situation to put a 16 year old in.  I like my brother in one piece, Hammer, and you’ll be using him as bait only over my dead body.”

“Relax, man.” Hammer said, giving the picture a last look before replacing it on the desk, “I was just making a suggestion.  Some lead will pop up soon and we won’t need to take such drastic measures.”

Thor let his eyes burn holes in the other for a while longer before huffing and pulling away from under Phil’s hand, grunting “Let’s go then.”

They were driving to the docks when Phil spoke to him next.  Thor was grateful to be partnered with him: he formed a cool counterpoint to the heated outbursts that sometimes came over him.  Phil had let him cool down before he spoke now, making it possible for Thor to look at things rationally again.  “You know Justin blabs out things without thinking most of the time.”

“It’s my brother he was talking about Phil.” Thor said, taking his eyes of the road for a moment to look over to the passengerseat.  “Justin should learn some tact.”

“He should, but he’s not worth you blowing up about.  If you had hit him, there would have been a report and consequences.”

“I know, but dammit, Phil, don’t you think I’ve noticed how much Loki looks like this perp’s type?  Because I have and it’s made my nights very sleepless these last months.  I made Loki promise he wouldn’t go out alone anywhere and I’m constantly worried that he won’t be there when I get home.”

Phil sighed “This mess has got to stop soon.  Fury is under a lot of pressure from the top dogs and if the media gets as much as a hint at how widespread these murders are?  Things are going to get desperate then for real.”

“I know,” Thor sighed, “which is why I’ve been working such long hours lately.  I want this piece of garbage behind bars, Phil.  I want my little brother to be able to go out when he wants to without having to have an escort.  But until we get a lead, that’s not happening.”

“We’ll find something.”  Phil said, “Sooner or later he has to slip up.”

Whatever they had been hoping to find though, they didn’t find it at the docks.  There were no security camera’s to get images from, no guard that patrolled during the night:  The warehouses themselves had been empty for more than a week so no traffic had gone near them until that morning, when a shipment was supposed to be stored there.

“No-one’s seen a thing.” Clint said when he and his partner Natasha Romanov came to see if they had had more luck at their end of their search.

“Same here,” Phil reported.  “Whoever he is, he sure knows what he’s doing.”

“Maybe the lab turned something up.” Natasha said, but the way her mouth pulled to the side showed she didn’t really believe that.

They drove back to the station and filed their reports.  Steve stopped by at their desk, saying that Mark’s parents and friends hadn’t been any help either.  No-one had seen or noticed anything unusual, neither about Mark’s behaviour or in what he said.  He had just walked home from a meeting at school after dark one day and disappeared somewhere between the schoolbuilding and his house.

By the time Thor got home it was 7 pm and Loki was sitting in front of the television doing his homework.

“Hey!” the dark-haired youth said, smiling at his older brother.  “I made pasta, it’s in a bowl in the fridge.”

“Thanks.” Thor said, going over and hugging him, trying hard not to show how relieved he was that his brother was safe at home.  “How was today?” he asked, moving to the kitchen to heat up his supper.

“Okay, I guess.” Loki said, “I stayed a little later because Sigyn and Amora had classes longer than I did.”

“I’m sorry, Loki.”  Thor said, watching his plate spin in the microwave.  “You just can’t walk over the streets alone right now.”

“It’s something to do with a case, isn’t it?” Loki said, letting out a long-suffering sigh.  He knew Thor couldn’t tell him anything about it, but he had always been curious by nature.

“Yes,” his older brother said.  “I can’t tell you any more and I know it’s a drag to have to wait almost every day, but please make sure you don’t walk home alone?”

Loki nodded immediately: he knew that when Thor asked something like that it was for his own good even if he didn’t like it.  The blonde collected his food from the microwave, picked up a fork and joined his brother on the couch.  There was some talkshow going on and they both used it as background noise.  Loki was working on something that looked like a mathproblem and Thor was going over the preliminary report from the new crimescene.

They both worked in silence until a flash on the screen and the announcement of breaking news pulled their attention to the television.  Thor’s breath lodged in his throat as he saw his own crimescene smeared out over the screen.  The body had luckily been removed already, but there was still blood where it had been.  Loki took the remote and increased the volume.

“Police found the dead body of a teenager this morning, lying between these two warehouses.  The victim seems to have been a 17 year old boy that had been missing for a week.  Police-chief Nicolas Fury was not available for comment, but inside sources say this is not the first victim to have been found this way and there could be a serial killer preying on the community.  We’ll have more for you in the late night news broadcast.”

The talkshow resumed, but neither Thor nor Loki paid any attention to it.  Finally Loki found his voice and asked “Is this why you don’t want me out alone?”

Thor looked at his little brother and nodded.  “Yeah.  They’re right, this kid is not the first and we’ve found nothing yet.  Please, Loki, please be careful.”

The youngster bit his lip and nodded.  “I promise, and I won’t say anything to anyone else either.  I know you’re not supposed to talk about ongoing cases.”  Thor ruffled his hair in gratitude and went back to his report, knowing the stakes has just gone up.  
  
  


 


	2. To bait or not to bait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, they're copywrited by Marvel.

The next morning the station was in full-blown chaos. Journalists were packed outside, meaning they had to struggle through them to get in, biting their tongues and ignoring the questions fired at them as best they could. And once inside, Fury was as angry as Thor had ever seen him.

“No clues, no leads, no breaks and now we have a population that is panicking because of those media vultures outside and a mayor who I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with for an entire hour while he asked me why we haven’t solved this yet.” He threw yesterday’s reports on the desk with a bang. No-one could meet his eyes, prefering to look at the floor or cast eachother swift looks.

“With all due respect, sir.” Steve spoke up into the silence. “There’s nothing we would like better than to catch this guy, but we’ve got nothing to work with.”

Fury ran a hand over his bald head. “I know, that’s why we had better find something and we’d better find it fast. This maniac has been running around free for far too long already and I’m tired of calling up people to tell them that their son was raped, tortured and killed.”

And so everyone in the station put their backs into it. They talked to anyone with even the loosest of connections to the victims. Tony and Bruce from the lab went over all the evidence again. People were warned to be careful and not to walk around alone. The week of cooling off time came and went and when there was no report of a new disappearance, they dared to hope that even if they hadn’t found him, they had managed to scare their perp off. The entire city waited with baited breath.

Until, exactly on schedule, a new body showed up, this time in a dumpster near a school. Same pale-skinned, dark-haired type as the last 9, 18 years old this time and homeless by the slightly gaunt look of him, which explained the lack of missing persons report.

Thor and Phil stood by the crimescene, watching forensics go over it and trying to keep the press at a distance. As was their habit, Thor let his partner field all the questions thrown their way. Coulson had way more pr-skills than he himself could claim, never revealing too much or being discourteous.

“Officers, is this a new victim of the serial killer?” the journalists were asking. “Do you have any leads yet?”

“The investigation is still too young to tell you anything with certainty.” Phil replied, tone nice but firm. “The police department will issue a statement later in the day.”

“Is it true that the victim is another boy?”

“We have no information for you at the moment.” Phil persisted. And so it went on.  
They guarded the crime scene for hours, making sure their forensic specialists had the place to work unencumbered.  They also got a good look at the crowd in case anybody acted suspicious because some killers had the habit of returning to admire their work.  Sometimes they had to let vehicles through, like the ambulance that took the body to the autopsy lab. Mostly it was boring and Thor itched to go out and do something to catch their killer.

Finally the last of the people left and they too could get into their cruiser and head down to the station to hear how the investigation was progressing. Thor was impatiently drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “Do you think they found anything?” he asked his partner.

Phil’s mouth pursed and pulled to the right. “Seeing as though we’ve never been able to find anything at the previous scenes, I’d be surprised.”

Thor gave a grunt in acknowledgement. He turned onto the station parking lot, finding a place between the other cruisers and turning of the engine. “We don’t need much, just something. I think Fury is going to combust if we don’t find any leads soon.”

They entered the station, pushing their way through the relocated reporters and into their own offices. Clint waved in greeting as he saw them come in and came over. His short, sandy hair was messed and his clear eyes sparkled with excitement. “We might have a break, you guys!” he enthused.

Phil’s eyebrows shot up on his forehead, while Thor was momentarily speechless. “What kind of break?” Phil asked cautiously.

“A lucky one,” Natasha said, coming up to join them. “We found a witness who has seen a car drive away rather fast from the dumpsite.”

“What do we have of the car? Make, model, license plate?” Thor jumped in, excited to have a place to start.

“Make and the first two characters of the plate.” Clint said, “Traffic is giving it priority, we should know something soon.”

Soon turned out to be 4 in the afternoon. Fury called his whole team out to make the arrest, not taking any chances. The car belonged to a local businessman by the name of Samuel Mitchel and they surrounded his house before Fury himself went to knock on the door, Steve and Justin at his side. Thor and Phil were covering the front of the house, while Clint and Natasha took the yard and back door. The black Honda that had been their lead stood parked on the driveway.

The man that came out looked more surprised than desperate and caught, but serial killers were notoriously good at keeping up appearances. His wife and child lingered uncertainly in the doorway as Steve and Justin ordered the man to lie down on his front so they could cuff him. Fury explained the accusation and the man’s rights. Thor and Phil called in the police tow truck to pick up the Honda and Clint and Nat stayed to keep an eye on the rest of the family while they took their suspect in for questioning. It all seemed a little too easy to Thor.

Back at the station, Mr Mitchel was put into the interrogation room together with Fury and Steve. Thor, Phil, Justin and a technician took up their places in the room next to it, where the whole interview would be recorded.

“I want my lawyer.” Was the first thing their suspect said, before the captain or Steve had even opened their mouths.

“Lawyers are for guilty men, Mister Mitchel.” Fury said with a smile that wasn’t the least bit nice. “Are you a guilty man?”

“No! No, I’ve done nothing wrong!” the man insisted, “I didn’t murder anyone, you have the wrong person.”

“The wrong person?” Fury asked, still with that smile, “We have an eyewitness placing your car at the crime scene.”

“Oh, God, “ Mitchel moaned, “Please, please let me speak to my lawyer. This is all a misunderstanding. I didn’t kill anyone, I swear.”

Fury gave a little sign and Justin went off to track down the man’s attorney and call him in. They didn't have to wait long, as the lawyer had already been notified by Mitchel's wife. He had some time to converse privately with his client before he turned to Fury.

“Now can you explain your car being at my crime scene? ” the captain asked.

Mitchel looked to his lawyer for permission and upon receiving a nod, launched into his story.  “I drive by that school on my way home from work. I had an overseas videoconference that day, so it was very late when I drove back home. I wanted to stop in the alley and...and smoke a joint to relieve some stress. But then someone came into the alley and I panicked and got out of there.”

“Did you see the body?” Steve asked.

“A body? No, I didn’t see anything!” the stricken man said, “It was dark and I didn’t exactly spend a lot of time looking around. I just wanted to calm down after a rough day at work.”

Fury narrowed his eyes at him, looking until the other was squirming in his seat. Finally he signed Steve and they both stood up. “We’ll be checking your allibi so you can both make yourselves comfortable here for a while. You need anything, just ask the officer outside.”

Thor and his colleagues filtered out of their own room, making for the meeting room where Fury and Steve were already waiting.

“So, smoking a joint, huh.” Justin said, “Pretty lame excuse if you ask me.”

“You can ask his boss about that overseas conference call.” Their superior gave back, “I’m not going to leave a stone unturned on this one. We can’t afford to get the wrong guy.” Justin grumbled a little, but dutifully went to his desk and started calling around. Meanwhile, Fury asked Steve his opinion about the interview.

“I don’t know, sir,” the blond said, dragging his hand through his hair, “he seemed pretty truthful to me. Could be that he didn’t even see the body in that dumpster if he never got out of his car.”

“Or it could be that he just doesn’t want to admit to killing all those people.” Fury said. “We won’t know until we clear his alibi, one way or another.” He looked at his watch. “It’s getting late and a night in a cell might make Mr. Mitchell a little more talkative. Go home, people, you’ve done enough for today.”

Thor was restless the entire evening. All his fidgeting and getting up for a moment, just to sit back down the next earned him several glares and finally a sigh from Loki, who gave up and had to go to his room to get his homework done. That night he dreamt of their killer, but only as a mysterious shadowy figure as if his unconscious mind refused to believe that they had caught the right guy.

Unfortunately, Steve’s hunch was confirmed by the afternoon of the next day: Mr Mitchell’s alibi checked out. More than that: he had been on holiday in Africa during the third and fourth murders which firmly took him off their list of suspects. They watched dejectedly as he reclaimed his car from the lab and pulled out of the lot and back into traffic, feeling like they were right back where they started and nothing the wiser for it.

“This blows.” Clint said, letting his chair swivel from one side to the other. “We’ve just wasted 2 days we can’t afford on a lead that didn’t mean anything.”

“Better waste it on a lead that didn’t mean anything, than not waste it on a lead that could mean everything.” Steve said, but even he started to sound a little hopeless. He took a deep breath and with a glance at Fury’s office continued. “I hate to bring this up, but Justin’s idea to use bait to flush this perp out might be the only thing that’s going to work. Your brother would fit the profile, Thor. I’ve already run the idea by Fury, “ Steve said, “and he agrees with it.”

“You did what?” Thor nearly yelled, standing abruptly and towering over his colleague. “How can you even suggest putting my brother in such a dangerous situation?”

“Every precaution would be taken, Thor. He would wear a wire, we’d put a tracker on him. There would be police cars along the entire route. Anything that would convince you he’d be safe. We’ll never take our eyes of him.” Steve assured him, his blue eyes honest and open. “I know he’s your brother and you love him, but we’ve tried every other thing we can think of. And every two weeks, another child dies because we’re getting nowhere. Someone else’s brother or son. Please, please, talk to Loki about this. If he doesn’t want to, that’ll be it, but I can’t imagine that he’ll let it go on if there’s something he can do to stop it. He is your brother, after all.”

Thor cast his eyes down, cursing everyone around him. He hated the notion, hated the very thought of sending his brother, his teenaged brother, out there to walk straight into the claws of a madman. Unfortunately, Steve was right: they had no other option. He swallowed hard and nodded, hoping like hell Loki would shoot the idea down. “I’ll ask him.” He ground out, “But I won’t force him to do anything. If he’s not comfortable with it…”

“If Loki’s not comfortable with it, we won’t ask him to do it. His safety comes first, I promise.” Steve nodded.

Thor nodded too, but from that moment on, his nerves were on edge. He dragged his feet getting home and when he finally did get through the door and into the living room to greet his brother, Loki knew something was up immediately.

“Thor? What is it? What’s wrong?” Loki asked, turning away from his homework.

Thor sighed, pulled out the chair opposite from his brother at the table and said: “Loki, I need to ask you something. You don’t have to say yes and you don’t have to answer immediately.”

“Okay.” His brother said, making the word sound longer in his uncertainty.

“You’ve heard about the new victim of the serial killer on the news?” Thor asked and at Loki’s nod continued. “We thought we had a suspect, but it turns out he’s not involved in any way and now another boy is dead and we still have no leads. We think we can draw him out into the open if we could control the circumstances in which he would kidnap his next victim.”

“But you don’t know who that victim will be.” Loki said, a small frown on his face.

Thor took a deep breath and buried his hands in his hair. “We would know if we provided bait for him.” Loki frowned for a moment longer, but Thor saw him catch on to what he was trying to say.

Loki’s green eyes went wide as he whispered. “And I’m his type...”

“You don’t have to.” Thor immediately repeated, “We’ll make sure you’re well protected if you would choose to do it, but don’t think for a moment that you have no choice in this.”

“I...” Loki started, his green eyes wide. He stopped for a moment and licked his lips nervously. “You could get him like this?”

“Either we would be able to arrest him on the spot, or we would have enough to go on to catch him in a few days.” Thor confirmed.

“What would you want me to do if I would say yes?”

Thor watched his brother fiddle nervously with his papers while he detailed the plan. Loki would go home from school on his own by a route of the police’s choosing, giving the killer several opportunities to snatch him. There would be officers along the entire road and Loki would wear a wire so he could call for help when he needed it.

“Would you be there too?” Loki asked, looking at him as if he was the only measure that counted.

“They couldn’t stop me from being there if they tried.” Thor swore, grabbing his brother’s hand between his own larger ones.

Loki nodded, still nervous but now also determined. “Then I want to help. I want to be able to walk around again in the city without having chaperones or fearing for my life. Just tell me what to do and when you want me to do it.”

Thor leaned further over the table and tousled Loki’s black hair. “My little brother, the hero.” he teased.

Loki snorted. “Hardly, “ he gave back, “all I have to do is walk around and scream like a girl the moment someone wants to grab me. You’ll be the hero, making sure that time is the last time he’ll ever be able to hurt someone.”

“Amen to that.” Thor agreed as he reached out and ruffled Loki’s hair. He was proud of his brother for putting himself on the line like that, but he couldn’t help also being fearful. Even the best laid plans could go wrong after all, and this killer was undoubtedly the smartest his team had ever encountered.


	3. Baiting the trap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: characters don't belong to me, they're copywrited by Marvel.

That Friday, Loki was incapable of focusing much on his lessons. He had told Sigyn and Amora that he would walk home with his brother that evening and they had accepted it without question, although they could tell from his demeanor that something was off. Hopefully they believed him when he offered the explanation that Thor’s anxiety was rubbing of on him.

He dragged himself from one class to another, while his mind kept offering him doom scenarios of what could go wrong. He was quick to chasten himself: Thor and his force had done everything possible to make sure the operation was as safe as it could get. He trusted his brother more than anyone else. If Thor said he would be fine, then that was the end of it.

After his last class, Thor came to take him to the classroom where they had set up their temporary headquarters. The officers from Thor’s department greeted him cheerfully as his brother led him to where their captain was making a phone call to check with the units already in the field. Hammer came up to them then with a smile and a bunch of wires.

“Hey Loki, still prepared to be our bait?” he asked. Loki nodded and Hammer gestured with his wires. “Can you take off your shirt so I can attach these? It won’t take long.”  
Loki took a steeling breath and then pulled his shirt over his head, leaving his chest bare. Hammer was very professional about the procedure, quickly taping the threads to his body. He also slipped a small device in Loki’s jeans pocket: the beacon that would allow them to track him.

Meanwhile, Fury ended his call and turned his full attention to him. “We really appreciate you doing this, son.” The commander said. “I promise that you won’t be in any danger. The whole corps will be staked along the route, there’s no way this bastard is going to break out of this trap.”

Loki gave him a small smile as Justin Hammer fiddled with the lines of the wire he was putting on the boy. “I want this sicko caught as much as you do, Sir. It’s not right that people like him should walk around able to harm innocents.”

“Keep talking like that, kid and you’ll end up joining the force to work alongside your brother.” Steve said with a grin. The atmosphere was charged with the expectation of success and it was making the team’s spirits fly high. Thor narrowed his eyes, looking his brother over critically. Every nerve in his body screamed to blow this off, but he knew that they would never catch this killer otherwise. They needed Loki to play the bait if they were to catch this particular fish. After Hammer was through with the wiring, Thor took his brother by the shoulders.

“Listen to me, Loki.” He waited for those green eyes to focus on his own, “We put a can of mace in your messenger bag. There are police cars all along the route you’re going to walk. They’ll be civilian looking, but they’re there. If anything goes wrong, if anything feels off to you, just yell. Someone will come for you, alright?” His little brother nodded and Thor could see how nervous he was, putting on a brave front for everyone. He couldn’t help but be proud of him, going to face a man known to have killed ten other boys. Loki nodded and Thor squeezed his shoulders lightly in encouragement before letting go. He didn’t dare a hug for fear of messing up the wire.

“Okay, people, you know the route, you’ve got 20 minutes to go to your places. Try to blend in with any civilians who might be on the path. Radio silence is required, only to be broken in case of emergency. Now move!”

The agents left, many with a pat on Loki’s shoulder and a ‘Good luck, kid.’ Fury and Loki stayed behind, waiting the agreed time until the younger would walk the route they had laid out for him. Loki felt his breathing speed up the longer he waited, nerves raging. The stoic captain beside him must have noticed, because he spun the boy to face him.

“It’s alright to be scared.” He said, “We’re asking a lot of you, to knowingly walk into the arms of a killer. The adrenaline will help, though, it sharpens your senses, makes you more aware of your environment. Remember that we’re only a call away. You’ll do fine, you’re an Odinson after all.”

Loki gave him a trembling smile and Fury pushed him gently towards the room’s exit, indicating it was time for him to do his part. He hitched his backpack higher on his shoulder and began to walk, hands going into his jeans pockets automatically.

Once outside the school gate, he turned left where normally he would have turned right. Both routes were about the same length, but the buildings on the left block were more industrial and would have less people around. Since it was early winter, it was getting dark as well, making it easier to sneak up on unsuspecting victims. Loki walked, his heart racing, fighting to keep his pace even and slow enough to still be considered walking. He passed the first dangerous point without a hitch, and started to count down to himself. ‘One down, four to go.’ He went past another warehouse entrance (‘3 more’) and half a block later an abandoned shop front with a dark porticle (‘Just 2 more’).

Loki found his nerves racking up another level at the thought that nothing might happen. What if the killer didn’t strike? They would be no further than before and all out of options. Loki approached another factory that was the fourth possible point where he could be assaulted and tossed a quick look into an alley he crossed. Aside from a dumpster it appeared to be empty and Loki was already dismissing it when something leapt at him from the dark and clapped a hand over his mouth, tugging him into the shadows of the alley. Loki tried to scream, but no sound came out past the hand and a moment later Justin Hammer stepped into his line of sight.

Loki stopped struggling as he recognized the officer. Hammer bent closer and whispered “We have him surrounded, he’s at the warehouse. Thor asked me to take you back to the station to wait for him. My car’s at the other end of the alley.” He switched the wire off before he turned Loki in that direction and he couldn’t help feeling a wave of relief that his ordeal was over. He preceded the officer to the other end of the little street, seeing a darkened SUV standing ready. Hammer opened the door for him and he slid inside. Hammer sat beside him in the driver’s seat, fiddling with something before turning back to Loki. The doors’ locks engaged and Loki frowned at the one on his side for a second before wanting to ask Hammer what the child-lock was for.

The officer grinned at him, took him in a hold and pressed a cloth over his mouth and nose. Loki panicked, trying to push the heavier man off, but the chloroform on the fabric over his mouth proved to work rapidly. He felt a hand go into his jeans pocket and remove the tracker and then everything went black.

Thor sat with Phil in their car, waiting for the sign to spring into action. Thor had been adamant that he be posted at the most dangerous point, the last one Loki had to walk past. The police scanner was on, tuned into the frequency they had Loki on, but apart from some quiet ‘check’s when his brother passed another point, radio silence had been maintained.

Thor kept checking their rearview mirror every few second, waiting for Loki’s light figure to round the last corner before their post. Both he and Phil jerked when a voice came over the radio.

“Central this is spotter 4, we have lost sight of the quarry.” Phil’s hand closed over Thor’s forearm, preventing him from leaping out of the car and ruining the entire op.

“All spotters this is central, who has eyes on target?” Fury’s voice sounded, angry and curt.

The spotter-teams called in one by one, replying they had no visual.

“Spotter 4 where did you lose him?”

“Target lost at the alley right before danger point 4, sir.”

“Sir, beacon and wire were just deactivated.”

Fury cursed colorfully and Thor felt his blood run cold. “All teams converge on alley. Spotters 2 and 3, take the back of that street. Move people, we have a life to save!”

Thor turned the key in the contact and then slammed his foot on the accelerator, making their car fly forward with screaming tires. Phil didn’t even bother telling him to slow down. It took them less than 2 minutes to get to the alley, park their car and dash up to the spotter teams that were already present. None of them could look Thor in the eye which told him al he needed to know. Still, he ran into the alley himself, going straight through to the end.

His brother’s wire and beacon lay on the sidewalk there, smashed and taunting him. He looked up and down the main street, but nothing appeared out of the ordinary. Phil came up behind him, phone to his ear, talking to Fury. An SUV with black tinted windows came to a stop before them and Hammer jumped out.

“Do they have him yet?” he asked Thor, but he couldn’t do anything more than shake his head. Hammer cursed before putting a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll get him, okay? We’re going to do everything possible and then some. He won’t get away this time.” Justin moved away to talk to Steve and Thor felt Phil take him by the shoulders and guide him back to their car.

 


	4. When danger hits home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Marvel does.

Thor felt disconnected from his body, as if someone had cut the wire that kept his mind and flesh working as one unit. So while his mind was constantly replaying those moments from when he had heard the spotters losing sight of his brother to when he arrived at the end of the empty alley, his body fell into routine and helped his colleagues with their newest crime scene.

They searched for hours in the darkness, every one of them driving themselves relentlessly on. When someone wanted to quit for the day, they only needed one look at Thor to suck it up and continue whatever they were doing. The big, blond man looked as lost as a child that had to leave its mother for the first time and he was often seen dragging a hand over his eyes to wipe away his tears. Any suggestion that he leave the searching to others though, was received with a glare that threatened bodily harm if said suggestion were to be repeated a second time.

The one question that was raised almost immediately was why they hadn’t seen the danger that this particular alley would pose. Natasha and Clint, who had done the recon of the route, had been summoned by Fury and had gotten very close to having their noses snapped off before they could explain that the far side of the alley had been blocked off by huge concrete blocks.

Which led to their next question: who had moved them?

A neighbourhood inquiry was started, officers going from door to door all over the block, but it was a useless affair. The blocks had been there that morning when the people woke up and went to their jobs or schools, and they had been gone by the time they came back that afternoon or evening.

Tony and Bruce, their forensic experts, had come over and pulled tire tracks and dusted the entire alley for finger- and shoeprints. They had retreated to their lab with the evidence they had gathered and started the painstaking process of putting it all into the computers. For once, Tony didn’t even complain of the extra work that made him give up on his Friday night plans.

When finally there was nothing left to do, Fury dismissed them to get what little sleep they could. Phil had to nearly drag his partner away from the crime scene, pushing him gently into the passenger seat of their car while he took the wheel and headed for Thor’s apartment block.

“Do you want me to stay?” he asked when he and Thor stood before the latter’s door.

Thor’s blue eyes seemed to focus a little at the question, away from the dim sadness that had been his standard expression for the last few hours. “No, no thanks, Phil. I really...I think I need some time alone.”

Phil nodded, though he looked concerned. “If you change your mind just call, alright?” Thor gave a non-committal grunt and put his key into the lock, opening his door and disappearing inside. Phil heaved a sigh, waited a few moments and then turned to head back to his car.

Once inside, Thor simply pressed his back to the door and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. His breathing was fast and more tears were tracking down his face as he berated himself for failing his little brother. The same little brother that was now in the hands of a madman.

*****************

When Loki came to, he felt groggy and his mouth tasted like it had been stuffed with cotton at some point. When he went to rub a hand over his eyes before opening them, he found himself unable to move it. His eyes snapped open and he flinched back from the bright light above him, squinting and looking of to the side. He found his hands and feet bound to a table and his clothes gone.

His mind was about to go into a full blown panic, trying to figure out what had happened when a figure came out from behind him and walked to his side. Justin Hammer placed both elbows on the table just above Loki’s tied arm and chuckled at him. Loki’s panic was immediately replaced with anger when his memories of how the cop had tricked him came flooding to the fore-front of his mind.

“You bastard!” he yelled, tugging at the ropes around his wrists.

Hammer just laughed. “Bastard? I thought I was a sicko. Wasn’t that what you told Fury? Well guess what, their plan didn’t really work out and nobody has a clue where you are now. But they all know what’s going to happen to you.” Justin let his gaze slide slowly all over Loki’s bared body, making his skin crawl. The cop pushed off from the table and strolled behind Loki’s head.

“You know, all those others were just practice.” Hammer breathed close to his ear, “Test cases for when I got my hands on the real prize.” He let his tongue glide over Loki’s neck. “You looked so pretty in the picture your brother keeps on his desk. Lucky me, you’re even prettier in the flesh.”

Loki whimpered and tried to pull at the ropes that bound him. The strands cut cruelly into the flesh of his wrists, but didn’t give him any leeway to work with. When Hammer pulled back a little, the air on the wet patch of his skin felt colder than it should.

“Poor baby, don’t be scared.” Hammer laughed, hand stroking his head. “We’re going to have so much fun together. I know how to make it last. Just enough pain to get you screaming,” he pulled harshly on Loki’s hair, making tears spring in his eyes. “And then more and more as you balance on that knife’s edge.” Hammer let go of his hair, came around to stand between his legs and then leaned forward until he could press himself full-bodied against the youth, making his hard cock unmistakable. “And then I’ll kill you.” He kissed his cheek, stroking his hair gently away from his forehead. “And I’ll see your brother’s face when they tell him they found you. He’ll be so devastated, just like all those poor parents before him.” He laughed, and Loki shivered and wished he was anywhere else.

“Now,” Hammer said, removing himself to the table where all his tools had been spread out. “Where do we start?” His hands moved lovingly over the sharp knives, stilling a second on each blade before selecting a serrated one and bringing it over. Loki squeezed his eyes shut, unable to believe this was really happening. He would wake up any moment now and Thor would be by his bed, big arms around him, saying he had a nightmare.

The metal of the knife slid under his shirt, flat against his skin, not cutting, just dragging against him. His breathing sped up, lungs working overtime in his panic. He barely managed not to scream. Then the knife turned sharply and the edge bit through his shirt, effortlessly splitting it from hem to neck, baring his chest. Loki couldn’t help the sob that pushed past his lips. The knife was now angled, dragged lightly over his chest but never puncturing the skin. He tried to lie perfectly still, not wanting Hammer to slip and hurt him. After a number of minutes though, the knife was twisted again and bit shallowly into his flesh, opening up a long line across his lower right rib. His back arched unconsciously, trying to get him away from the pain and his mouth opened in a gasp.

Hammer made use of the situation by pushing his tongue into his victim’s mouth, the other so surprised at the move that he failed to bite the invading body part when he had the chance. The knife was replaced by fingers that rubbed the small amount of blood that welled up over Loki’s stomach. “Oh yes,” Hammer said, cruelly pushing his blunt nails into the ruptured skin, making Loki bite his lip. “We’re going to have loads of fun.”

*********

 

Thor lasted exactly 15 minutes in his apartment before the accusing emptiness where Loki usualy was drove him back to the station. The others had gone straight home to grab some sleep apparently, but the graveyard shift was still there and nobody denied him access to his office. Thor scrounged up as many reports as he could find on the botched mission and started to reread everything. No detail was too small to go over, but in the end fatigue made him sleep at his desk for a few hours.

He woke to the smell of fresh coffee and the soft talking of his colleagues. Lifting his head from the pile of papers he had been reading, he removed the topmost one that stuck to his cheek and took a grateful sip from the mug of steaming brew Phil had probably procured for him. After he had drunk half the cup, he scrubbed his hands over his face before deciding that would have to do and venturing over to the others.

They all looked about as bad as Thor felt. Clint was the first one to notice him coming and straightened up, clapping him on the shoulder in a friendly way before asking. “How are you holding up, big guy?”

“I couldn’t stay at home.” Thor confessed, “The place just feels wrong without Loki there.” His friends nodded their understanding.

“We’ve been going over why that alley wasn’t closed of any more. Clint and Natasha had scouted that area when we decided on the route we would employ.” Steve said.

“There were some pretty big blocks in that alley,” Natasha reported, “Far too big to just climb over, especially while manhandling a struggling or unconscious victim.”

“Yet there were no blocks yesterday evening, even though the residents said they had been there that morning.” Phil said, “We all walked the entire alley and there wasn’t a trace of those things. Our neighbourhood search didn’t give any results either, but maybe if we had another go at the places where no-one was home yesterday, we might have some more luck. Could be those people work late shifts and they saw something when the others were at work.”

“We’ll get on that,” Natasha said, reaching for her jacket and heading towards the door with Clint in tow.

The others watched them leave before Steve turned to Thor and said: “I’m really sorry for this mess, if I hadn’t asked you to...”

Thor cut him off by holding up his hand. “I won’t say I’m not mad at you, Steve, but I also know that it isn’t really your fault. You kept your end of the bargain: all the safety measures were in effect. This guy is a completely new ball game, but it’s a game I intend to win. And to win it, I’m going to need a very good team playing on my side. So if you want to do something to make it up to Loki, you’ll be the best cop you can possibly be during this investigation.”

The three others stared at him for a moment. Thor didn’t often exhibit eloquence, but he had been living with his brother too long not to have a decent grasp on words when he needed it.

“I...” Steve then said, “Of course I’ll give it my all. Anything you need extra, just ask for it.” Phil and Justin nodded their agreement.

Thor nodded back in recognition. He gulped down the rest of his coffee before asking after their captain. Steve winced and shook his head. “He’s getting an earful from his superiors about putting a civilian in such a situation. He’ll be lucky if he isn’t suspended or demoted.”

Thor raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I thought his superiors had cleared that mission.”

“They did,” Justin put in, “but now that it’s gone wrong, they need a scapegoat to blame. I’m willing to bet that if it had worked, they would be taking all the credit for it though.” He put down his own cup on the coffee table before walking off to his own desk. “Best get started then: the sooner we find your brother, the less marks there will be on him.”

“Justin,” Steve hissed lowly as he followed his partner, “now would be a great time to learn some tact.”

Phil grabbed his shoulder, squeezing gently. “What do you want us to do?”

Thor shook himself from visions of his little brother being tortured. It sounded cold, but the best thing he could do for him now, was to distance himself from the personal aspects and focus on the facts. Something he could never do if he imagined all the things Loki was likely suffering at the moment. “Let’s go over all the times of the kidnappings and the dumpings again. Maybe we’ll see a pattern that we missed before.”

 


	5. Suspicions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Still don't own any of the characters, still all Marvel's.

There were no windows in the small room where he was kept. Loki learned to hate this fact soon because it played havoc on his perception of time. Of course the fact that he had been unconscious when he arrived in his new ‘abode’ didn’t help either. It could still be the same day Hammer took him, or it could be the next. The emptiness of his stomach would make him believe that at least a day had passed, but he couldn’t be sure.

He had fallen asleep soon after Justin had left, too exhausted by everything to think about escaping. A situation that he planned to resolve now, since the cottage was silent and he seemed to be alone. At least, he assumed it was a cottage, going by the wooden walls.

It hurt to move too much: large cuts that had barely started to close pulled uncomfortably whenever he tried to shift. It would be a small price to pay for freedom however and so he ignored it and the fresh blood that welled from the ones he tore open. He pulled at the bonds securing his wrists and ankles and when they refused to give, he rubbed the cords against the edge of the table again and again.

None of it was of any use and the rope remained as securely fastened as it had been when he had first been brought here. With his immediate solutions thus thwarted, Loki felt the tears that had been threatening since he woke up spill over and trace over his cheeks. He screamed, tugging hard in frustration and fear but all he got for his troubles was that the rope bit deep in his wrists and cut them open too. The crying gave him a headache and after a while he let it pull him back under and slept some more.

He was muzzy when he blinked his eyes open the next time but the sound of the door opening refocused him. His muscles tensed and he looked at Hammer who grinned over the bag he was carrying.

“Hey, sweetie, I got you something to drink.” The cop said, approaching and taking a bottle of water out, screwing the top off and tipping it slightly to let it spill in Loki’s mouth. He deliberated a moment but then swallowed. He would need all the help he could get if he wanted a chance to get out of here alive. A hand stroked his hair in that weird intimate way Hammer had and Loki allowed it, afraid that the water would be taken from him if he protested.

“Your big brother is a mess, you know.” Hammer said conversationally, making Loki’s eyes widen and then he choked on the water and Justin had to pull the bottle away while he coughed. “Shhh, it’s alright.” The other continued, “You can have more water later.”

“Thor.” Loki managed to get out when the fit was over.

“Oh yeah,” Justin said, taking out a sandwich and having a huge bite himself while he let Loki wait anxiously. “He looked like he hadn’t slept all night. It’s funny really, how they’re all trying so hard to find me and I’m right under their noses and they don’t have a frikkin’ clue.” He chortled and took a sip of the bottle himself.

“They’ll catch you.” Loki swore vehemently, letting all his hatred of the other show in his voice.

Justin didn’t blink, but slapped him hard across one cheek, turning his flesh red with the force of the blow. “You better pray that they don’t, because when they do, that’ll be when I kill you.” He was still pleasant and smiling, but Loki was starting to see that he was dangerous no matter what expression he wore. He listened stoically when the cop went on to detail the day he had had, acting like Loki was there as a friend. He remembered everything the other told him, hoping to find some way to make use of the information later.

When the sandwich was finished, Hammer hopped back off the table, taking of his jacket as he walked toward the table where he had laid the knives. Loki could feel his breathing speed up and even though he knew it wouldn’t help him, he couldn’t stop himself from tugging on the ropes some more.

“The more you struggle, the more this is going to hurt.” Hammer warned him, “And I might hit a bigger artery than I want to. It would be a shame to return your dead body to your brother so soon, wouldn’t you think?”

Loki forced himself to lay still. He could do this, for Thor, he had to. He would buy time so his brother could find him and then they would see who had the last laugh. When the other came closer with a sharp looking scalpel, Loki felt his breathing speed up and his heart pound madly, but all he did was avert his head and squeeze his eyes shut tightly. For Thor, he kept reminding himself.

A warm hand laid against his bare stomach made him jump and then the first cut came, deeper than those Hammer had made previously. Loki bit his lip to keep from screaming, feeling the nerves along the side of his ribs scream and burn. After a few of those cuts, he tasted blood from where he had bitten through his lip in an effort to stay quiet. A few more and he started whimpering, fresh tears soaking his hair. Finally he could take it no more and jerked away from the edge of the knife as far as he could go.

Justin pulled the knife away, cleaned it with a piece of cloth and then carefully placed it to the side. “What did I tell you about moving?” he asked then, looking at Loki with an expression that could best be described as disappointment. When Loki didn’t answer, he sighed. “Now I’ll have to punish you for being disobedient.”

For Justin Hammer punishing him for disobedience basically meant hitting him as hard as possible, first with his open hand, then with his fists. Loki screamed and tried to curl in on himself to protect his vulnerable body, but there was nowhere to go. During the entire time, Hammer kept repeating how it was his own fault that he was suffering like this. If Loki had just kept still, he wouldn’t be forced to treat him the way he did.

By the end of it, Loki found himself shamefully begging and sobbing, promising he would be good, that he would obey. A fist smashed into his ribs and he thought he could feel something give as another stab of hot pain lanced through his side. He would be black and blue tomorrow...if he lived to see it.

Justin got in two more blows before he pulled back, breathing hard from exertion. He picked up the bottle, drinking as he admired his handiwork. Loki let his head thunk back onto the table and closed his eyes. He wanted to go home so bad he could nearly taste it. He wanted his brother who always defended him. Breathing too deep hurt, as if his ribs were pressing closer to his lungs then usual.

He opened his eyes again as the water bottle was pressed once more to his lips and he took several swallows, feeling the cool liquid soothe his throat, now sore from all his crying and screaming.

“Are you going to be good now?” Justin asked. The man had resumed stroking his hair and Loki nodded quickly, terrified of what would happen if he didn’t. “See, you can be a good boy.” The cop said, smiling. He bent down and kissed Loki’s cheek. “It’s nearly morning, so I’m going to go back to work. We’ll play some more when I get back. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m out, alright?”

“Alright.” Loki whispered back. It earned him another kiss and then Hammer was off, closing the door behind him and leaving Loki in blessed solitude. The teenager cried himself to sleep, silently begging for his brother to hurry up and save him.

  
****************

Sunday morning found Thor back at the station before the sun was up. He had only gone home because Phil had practically forced him to. This time, his partner had stayed with him and put a sleeping pill in his coffee. Thor had cursed at him, but this morning he had to admit to being grateful as well. His mind felt sharper even though it buzzed with thoughts of the things that could have already happened to his brother. The sense of ‘hurry, hurry’ that pushed him forward had caused him to wake at his usual hour, even with the drugs that were supposed to keep him under.

Phil had taken one look at him, said they would get breakfast at the station and had driven them both there in record time. They had worked hard yesterday but with no new results and it was eating at the entire crew. It wasn’t long after they arrived that the rest came trickling in too. Justin was the latest and he looked even worse than Thor himself with huge dark circles around his eyes.

“Sorry,” he muttered, “I’ve been walking the streets to see if anything else would turn up. No luck though.”

Thor clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a grateful smile. “Nevertheless, thank you for trying. We’ll just need to keep at it.” He tried to sound hopeful, but once again they were running out of options. While the others worked, Thor decided to poke his head into the lab. Tony and Bruce had stayed all night to go over everything they had recovered one more time. If Thor was hoping for a lucky break though, he was bound to be disappointed.

“I’m sorry, Thor, but we have nothing for you.” Bruce Banner said when he saw him enter the door to their lab. “We’ve been over everything with a fine comb all night, but there simply aren’t any tracks.”

“Well, there are tracks“ his partner Tony Stark cut in, “but they’re of no use to us. The only prints on the wire are Justin Hammer’s from when he taped it on, so our psycho most likely wore gloves. Likewise the only tire tracks that were found at the alley were those of registered police vehicles.”

Bruce pushed his spectacles higher up his nose with a finger before resuming. “I’m very sorry about your brother, but we’ve found nothing that could be of help.”

Thor stared at them both, feeling another hope dashed. It took him a few moments before he could reply. “Thanks..thanks for trying, guys. Really appreciate it. If you find anything, call me, alright? Whenever, doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night.”

Bruce and Tony shared a look filled with compassion. “Sure thing, blondie.” Tony said with a quirk of his lips that couldn’t have been labeled a smile even if it was probably meant to be one.

Thor nodded before turning around and exiting the lab, ready to head back to his desk when he saw Hammer standing there. Something about the man’s posture grabbed his attention and he waited, feeling his brows draw down in a frown. As he looked on, Hammer took the picture of Loki and rubbed a thumb over it, an unpleasant smile on his face. The expression was gone almost as soon as it had arrived and the picture was put down again, but it had shot shock through Thor’s heart. It looked as if Hammer was pleased with the situation. But he had held Thor’s hand after they had lost Loki, had promised to do everything he could to make sure he got home safe. He was a cop, for crying out loud!

And yet something in Thor’s mind nagged: Hammer had been responsible for Loki’s wire. He could have easily tampered with it so that they had lost the signal. He had also been point on that part of the operation, making him one of the first to arrive on the scene. And as a cop, he knew exactly what they were looking for and could avoid running into any of the traps they had tried to set for him. Thor’s fist clenched around the notes in his hand. He couldn’t be certain and it was probably nothing, yet the notion wouldn’t leave him alone. And so, to put his mind at ease and cover every possible angle, he pulled Hammer’s schedule for the last two months and compared it to the timeframe in which their murderer had kidnapped and dumped his victims. A chill gripped him as he slotted the two together.

His colleague would have had plenty time to abduct and dump those poor kids.

Angered, Thor swiped the research into his bin: the idea alone that one of the people he had been working with for years could be responsible for this was ludicrous. There were thousands of people in this city whose time schedules had to coincide with those events!

The rest of the day he focused on the few things they could still follow up on before their case would fall in the same dead end as all the previous ones. By early evening, the rest started to pack up and leave. They would all come back the following day, Thor knew, and they would go through the routine, but it was just a matter of time now before Fury would have to admit they had nothing more to go on and that it was time to wait for the body to show up.

Phil was the last to leave and he came to stand by Thor’s desk. “You want me to come home with you?”

Thor shook his head. “I have some other stuff I still want to check.”

“Thor..” Phil started, then sighed, “Just promise me that you’ll go home tonight, at least to sleep a little.”

Thor nodded, even though he found the notion of sleeping while Loki was still missing to be absurd. If it hadn’t been for Phil slipping him the sleeping pills last night, he wouldn’t have slept then either. He didn’t know if Phil bought his promise, but the man left with a final pat on his shoulder.

When he was sure he was alone, Thor pulled his research on Justin back out of the bin. _I’m not betraying a colleague_ , he thought, _I’m just covering all the angles._ He bent back to it, haunted by the smile on Hammer’s face as he had looked at Loki’s picture.

 


	6. On the scent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, they belong to Marvel.

Loki used the time between when he woke and when his captor would come back to once more try and squirm his way out of the ropes. To his disappointment, all it earned him were more rope burns around his wrists and ankles. Say about the cop what you wanted, but he sure knew his way around ropes and knots. He couldn’t even pull hard enough to overturn the table he lay upon.

His stomach was empty again as well, announcing its need for food with a loud grumbling. The water he had had wasn’t enough to do more than make sure he didn’t die of dehydration. As much as he didn’t want Justin to ever return, he wasn’t looking forward to starving either. He ignored the hunger clawing at his insides as well as he could and resumed his attempt at sawing the ropes on the edge of the table. He knew it would most likely not help him, the edge being rounded and polished smooth, but he couldn’t just lay there and wait for the next bout of torture.

He fretted about his brother too: would he stay at the station again the entire night. Did he have clues to go on, or would he be climbing up the walls in desperation? Was he thinking of Loki, at this very moment? Did he miss coming home to find dinner ready for him and looking forward to watching some game show together? Loki thought he would give everything he had ever owned to be sitting on their couch with Thor again.

His musings were interrupted by the sound of a car engine outside. Loki’s stomach stopped protesting and started to tie itself into anxious knots as he closed his eyes and prayed. He knew it wouldn’t help him: he was going to get hurt no matter what he said or did. It went against everything he believed in, but maybe he should try to be good. Surely if he behaved there wouldn’t be as much pain as yesterday?

Justin came in then, carrying groceries again. He put the bag down on the field bed that stood against the wall, removed another bottle of water and a sandwich from it and then sauntered over to the table. Loki had to fight not to turn his head to the side when the cop leaned down to place a kiss on his cheek.

“Did you sleep well?” Justin asked, letting his eyes roam over Loki, taking in the bruises and cuts. At Loki’s nod he went on, “Seems like your brother got some sleep as well. Phil probably dragged him home and drugged him, stupid meddling nanny that he is.” He let Loki swallow some water before continuing. “You’ll be glad to know he was looking a little bit less like a zombie than yesterday.”

They sat together in what, with two friends, could have been termed companionable silence, sharing the water between them. After that, Hammer allowed him to relieve himself into the now empty bottle, making Loki nearly combust from shame. There wasn’t much in the bottle when he was done: he hadn’t had more than a few mouthfuls to drink the last days and most of the water probably went into replacing the blood he had lost.

Justin seemed calmer than he had yesterday and he made no move towards the knives. Loki didn’t know what to do with a cop that just prattled about his day and stroked his hair, occasionally kissing his cheek.

“You must have a lot of guys wanting to kiss you.” Justin said, breaking away from telling Loki how he had arranged to have the alley where he had taken him cleared. “Tempting them with those big eyes and fine skin.”

Loki looked at him in surprise, not knowing what to say in return, but luckily it didn’t seem like Hammer expected an answer. He felt the other’s lips again, this time pressing against his own and he let out a noise of protest.

“Shh, now.” Hammer said in a tone that held a warning, slightly tightening the fingers in Loki’s black hair. “You remember what happens to bad boys, don’t you?” Loki froze and nodded: the bruises still ached fiercely and breathing deeply was out of the question. “Good.” the cop praised, “Now we’re just going to make a little deal you and me. If you can make me cum, I won’t cut you tonight. Does that sound like a good deal to you?”

_No_ , Loki thought to himself, _no, it doesn’t sound like a good deal at all. I don’t want you to touch me and certainly not in that way. I don’t want to be your whore_. He didn’t dare to say it out loud though, shrinking away from the thought of the pain he had suffered at the cop’s hands yesterday.

“You don’t need to do a lot,” Justin said, still kissing him between the words. The cop’s hand were busy working on his pants and a few moments later he pulled out his already half-hard member. Loki closed his eyes against it, feeling fresh tears gathering. “I won’t even put it inside you, although you’re mighty tempting.” He pulled away, palming himself as he looked at Loki, “So, do we have a deal?”

Loki bit his bottom lip. He wanted to scream at the unfairness of the situation: he didn’t want to touch Hammer, didn’t want his first sexual partner to be the man that had kidnapped and abused him.

When all was said and done though, he simply did not want to die. The pressure against his left lung whenever he breathed deeply was a good indicator what would happen to him if he refused. One more blow against that rib and it would probably puncture his lung, drowning him in his own blood.

And so, in a voice that trembled piteously, Loki said “Deal.” And simply lay there as Hammer wrapped the boy’s hand around himself, moving into it while he kissed and stroked every bit of skin he could reach. When it was over, and Loki’s hand was wet with warm and sticky fluid, he breathed a soft sigh of relief. He still felt dirty, but it could have been a lot worse.

Justin pulled back, breathing hard, looking at him with cruelty shining in his eyes. “You really are a good whore.” He said, pulling the rest of his clothes off. At Loki’s wary look he laughed. “Don’t worry, I promised you no cutting and I’m a man of my word.” He hopped naked onto the table, giving Loki a good look of his frame and rehardening cock before laying himself down on him. “I didn’t say anything, however, about fucking you after our deal.”

And then he lined up and thrust and Loki threw his head back and screamed as his world erupted in pain.  It felt like he was being torn apart from the inside out.  Tears were running down his cheeks and no matter how hard he pulled, he couldn’t get away.  Justin didn’t even notice his struggles, too intent on fucking the prey he had waited for so long.

Loki couldn’t say how long it lasted only that every second of it felt like an eternity filled with agony.  Finally, Hammer pushed deep one last time and shuddered, filling Loki with his seed.  The cop lay panting on top of him, laughing softly.  Loki closed his eyes, not opening them even as Justin pulled out roughly and put on his clothes again.  He could feel hot breath on the side of his face before lips pressed against his temple.

“Good whore.” Justin whispered, “Now get some sleep; you’re going to need it for tomorrow.”  And with that he was gone, leaving Loki alone with his growing despair.   
  
*******************************

For the second time in three days, Thor found himself waking up with his cheek glued to some papers on his desk and a cup of coffee standing beside him. He gave a grunt when all his muscles protested the slightest amount of movement, but persisted and pushed himself back into a sitting position.

Phil stood in front of him, dangling a bag of donuts in front of him. “Well, at least you got some sleep,” his partner said, “even though it wasn’t in a very comfortable position.” He sipped his own coffee as he handed over the bag and let Thor take a bite out of one before he asked, “How did that thing you needed to check turn out?”

“Circumstantial.” Thor said with a frown after he had swallowed his mouthful. Unfortunately it was true: he had gone over Justin’s schedule again, making sure the pattern fit every disappearance and dumping and not only the last two. It did, but it didn’t prove anything.

He had then looked at everything the police had on his colleague from address to properties he owned to criminal records, but had come up empty-handed. Even the psych-report had shown nothing out of the ordinary.

So all he had were circumstantial things like the schedule and the wire and the fact that Justin’s car had been at the scene. None of it would hold up in court, or even with Fury. He tried to pretend everything was normal (or as normal as it could be under the circumstances) for the rest of the day, doing his best to subtly stay out of Justin’s presence.

At about two in the afternoon, the door to the unit opened and Clint and Natasha came back in from their errand. “We’ve got something.” Clint said, “but I don’t know if I like it.”

Fury ordered them to gather around, then gave the floor to Natasha who immediately got down to business. “We found someone who saw the blocks in that alley removed. He claims that it was supervised by the police.”

“We tried to call the department in question to see who had ordered the removal, but they didn’t find any document to request those blocks be moved.”

“Bureaucratic error, just when they could come in handy,” Justin scoffed, “How fucking terrific.”

“If it was even a real cop,” Tony put in. He elaborated when Fury raised an eyebrow. “Police uniforms are rentable at every theater store, I’m just saying. It’s circumstantial at best.”

_But it’s one circumstantial piece of evidence too much,_ Thor thought, watching Hammer from beneath his eyelashes. His mind was made up: he still needed more concrete stuff to pull his colleagues over the line, but he wouldn’t let that stop him. Tonight, he would follow Justin and let him lead him to Loki. _Just a little longer, brother, I’m coming, I promise_.

For the rest of the day, he kept himself busy helping the others look into this possible cop. He kept an eye on Justin and when he saw him packing up for the day he excused himself as well, saying he needed to sleep since he had gotten none the night before.

He exchanged a friendly goodbye with Justin in the parking lot, taking perverse pleasure in lying to one who had been lying to all of them for so long when he told him he was going straight home. Once on the road, he kept a careful distance from the car he was tailing. His adrenaline was pumping and he drove through orange signs a few times to keep from losing his prey.

Justin didn’t seem to notice anything, making his sedate way through the city in the direction of his home. Thor frowned: he hadn’t found anything in the database to suggest that Hammer had a second apartment or house somewhere, but he doubted that the other had just kept those children in his uptown apartment. Maybe he was just going to pick something up at his place first? Thor nervously drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited a car behind Hammer for the light to turn green.

Justin’s car pulled away when the light turned, then suddenly he stepped on it and made a left-hand turn, narrowly missing the car in the lane for that turn and the one coming from the opposite side. Thor jerked up, trying to get in the right lane, but the maneuver that Justin had pulled had frozen traffic on that side and he had no way to go but forwards, thus losing him from his sight.

Cursing, he speeded to the next intersection and turned around. By the time he made it back to the intersection, Hammer and his car were long gone.

 


	7. Manhunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: these characters don't belong to me, they're Marvel's.

Loki’s mind crawled up from the darkness. He took stock of his environment first, listening for any small noise that would indicate his captor was near. Upon finding none, he let his breathing go back to normal, no longer feigning sleep. Next he tried to get some blood back into his extremities, but he doubted it would do any good with the way he was still bound down. 

His body throbbed lowly with hurt from even this minor exertion: the cuts all over his chest and legs pulled back open, the deeper ones bleeding sluggishly. His cheeks hurt from the bruising of the slaps he had been given and he thought that at least one rib was broken from where Hammer had punched at him. He hurt between his legs too, but his mind refused to go there and Loki was grateful that he had so many other things that hurt more (physically speaking at least) and took his attention away from the brutal rape the cop had forced upon him.

He tried to calculate how many days he had been here already, knowing that a week was the longest he would be held and seeing how much time he had left before he would inevitably be killed. It was hard to be certain: his watch had been taken from him in the beginning and the windows had been barred so no hint of the outside came in. He tried to time his stay by thinking how many times Hammer had come back from where he went (Loki presumed he still had to hold up his cover as a good cop and therefor had to go to the station to work) and thought he was perhaps on the fourth day of captivity. Time was running out.

He was just about to try loosening the ropes again, when he heard a cardoor slam somewhere outside. Panic gripped him and he had to fight not to vomit from the strength of it as his stomach cramped up. He tried to regulate his breathing and to pretend he was sleeping but the effort was wasted. Hammer stormed in with so much noise that even the dead would have been awoken by it. He flipped on the harsh overhead light and came over to the table Loki was bound on, slapping the boy’s right cheek making Loki’s head jerk to the other side from the force.

“Wakey, wakey, sweetie.” Hammer laughed, “Do you know what happened today?” he walked to the other table while Loki coughed and spit blood to the side. “Your fucking brother figured it out, that’s what happened. He tailed my car. I nearly hadn’t noticed, but I managed to lose him in the city before coming out here. Of course that means I can’t go back to the station tomorrow.” He came back, holding a lighter in his hand and a pack of cigarettes in the other. “On the other hand we’ve got a lot more time to play together.”

Loki hissed and tugged at his bindings again, even though he knew it to be futile. Any time spent in Hammer’s presence was likely not to be good for him. Hammer lit a cigarette and took a drag, the orange glow at the end of it flaring. He took hold of Loki’s dark hair in his free hand, making him crane back his head so he could force his lips on the other’s and exhale the smoke right into Loki’s lungs. He laughed again as the youngster started coughing, tears coming to his eyes from the strength of the fit.

Another drag and Loki got ready to hold his breath so he wouldn’t have to inhale, but his air came back out in a scream as Justin pushed the burning end of the stick against one of the wounds on his chest, searing the tender flesh. He bucked and twisted even after the cigarette was removed, pain still sharp as a knife, his breathing coming in shallow pants.  
Justin greedily watched every little movement, enjoying the pain he was causing. When Loki finally lay silent again, he took another drag to stoke the little ball of flame and pressed it against the other side of his chest, as if he were creating a symmetric masterpiece. The boy fought the ropes again, squirming to get away, sobs tearing from his throat. His tormentor just smiled as he pulled the cigarette away, inhaling the smell of burnt flesh.

*******************

Thor had lost his quarry. He had had Hammer’s SUV firmly in his sight the entire ride from the station until he had suddenly veered left at the last possible moment and Thor himself had been forced by traffic to drive straight and miss the turn. By the time he had been able to get back to their point of divergence, Hammer was nowhere to be seen. The blond cop had pulled over onto a parking lot and swore as he repeatedly hit his steering wheel and dashboard. He had failed his little brother again by letting Hammer get away.

Thor was absolutely sure now that Justin Hammer was their perpetrator. He had hoped to follow Hammer to the place he kept his victims but that turned out to be impossible now: Justin had spotted someone following and had ran. He wouldn’t be stupid enough to come back to the station now that he had been made.

But that was exactly what Thor himself should do: go there, present his case to Fury and demand that all available resources would be devoted to finding the crazy son of a bitch. He threw his car back into drive and broke several speed limits, hoping to get there before the team went home.

He caught Clint and Nat just as they were leaving for the day, calling out to them as he saw them walking to their cars.

“Thor?” Clint said, giving him a worried look, “I thought you’d gone home.”

“What happened?” Natasha asked, more perceptive than her partner “Did you find something?”

“I need everyone to meet. Are the others still here?” He shifted the files he had hastily compiled in his own search.

“Yeah, all except for Hammer.” Clint confirmed, following Thor as he took big strides to the station’s front door. Natasha darted off inside to collect everyone and Clint took a seat while they waited. Thor found he couldn’t sit himself, too keyed up. Fury had to believe him, Loki only had a few more days and he would never be able to cover all the ground he needed by himself. Somewhere a voice in the back of his mind whispered that it might not even be a few more days now that Hammer knew they were on to him.

Natasha returned within 5 minutes, the others right behind her. Fury took one look at him, then at the files and said: “Let’s hear it.”

“Justin’s our perp.” Thor said, diving into the deep end. Nobody reacted, so he continued “I tried to follow him when he left the station, but he shook me off.”

“Justin?” Steve said, looking disbelieving, “Thor, he’s been my pertner for 3 years now, I think I would know if he was hiding serial killer tendencies.”

“Do you have any proof?” Fury asked, “Because this is one hell of an accusation you’re making.”

Thor opened his files, pulling out the sheets that had Justin’s shedule on them and the times of the disappearances and the dumping of the bodies. “It all checks out: his workshedule with the crimes, how we didn’t hear anything from Loki’s wire, how he knew exactly where the best place to make his move was. Nat’s report says it was an officer that unblocked that alley.”

“Thor, please,” Steve argued, “I work those same shifts and I know all the rest too. It’s all circumstantial.”

“Only we’ve all had this vibe sometimes that something’s off with Justin.” Natasha said. She had studied for profiler and her remarks were always taken into account on such occasions.

Fury’s eye narrowed as he thought, until he turned to Steve with his decision. “Steve, would you take Nat and drive by Justin’s house? See if you can talk to him and let’s clear this up as soon as possible. I don’t want you throwing around any accusations yet, not until we have more evidence.”

Steve nodded, threw a last unreadable glance at Thor and departed with Nat. Phil moved closer to Thor’s files, starting to go through them while his frown became deeper and deeper.

“You said you followed Hammer.” Fury spoke up, “Did he notice you doing so?”

Thor shrugged. “I didn’t think so at first, he seemed to just be driving home. But then he nearly caused a collision by veering left all of a sudden and I lost him.”

“Might be he’s just nervous with that killer on the loose.” Clint offered his opinion.

“Might be he really has something to hide.” Thor growled back. “And every moment we wait could be my brother’s last.”

“Enough.” Fury bit out, stopping the fight before it could go any further. “Thor, I promise you if Steve and Nat find even the least sign of there being any truth to what you say, we’ll use every resource possible to search for Hammer. Until that time I suggest you sit down and keep quiet. Barton, the same goes for you.”

The two grumbled ‘yes, sir’ and let themselves fall down into seats, Clint scooting closer to Phil to look at Thor’s evidence and Thor himself trying his best to not burst from his chair and go back out there to hunt Hammer down himself.

It took the better part of an hour until Fury’s cellphone rang and he drew it out. “Fury.” He said, ignoring the eyes of all his subordinates. Then a terse, “You did what? No, don’t tell me yet, let me put you on speaker first.” He pressed a button and put the phone on the table. “Report, Rogers.”

“Sir,” Steve’s voice sounded a little far of but still quite audible. “We rang the bell but noone answered. Nat thought it unwise to leave it at that and picked the lock on the door. Sir, we found a scrapbook with pictures...” Steve’s voice choked off and there was a brief moment of noise before Natasha took over.

“They are pictures of the diffirent victims, sir. And not crimescene pictures either. These are personal. We’ll bring everything in but I advise to put out a BOLO for his car.”

“Understood, Romanov. I’ll have forensics go over the house thoroughly, you and Steve return to the station. We have a long night ahead of us.” He hung up and then smashed his fist so hard into the table that the wood creaked ominously. “One of my own god-damned team.” He said, but that was the only reaction he allowed himself.

He drew himself up, all business again and started issuing orders. “Barton, see about that BOLO. Phil, get everything on Hammer that we have on file. Thor, stay here until Steve and Nat get back and then go over those pictures with them. I doubt Hammer was stupid enough to keep his victims in his house, maybe they can give us some clues as to where he takes them.”

***********************

Loki’s day (or was it night) had turned into a nightmare. He had thought his torment bad before, when it had been beatings and stiffness from being in the same position for so long, cuts made to adorn his chest. He had thought the rape was the worst that could happen to him, had thought he would go insane of it.

All of these were as nothing compared to the agony of a burn. The cuts, once made, had been shallow and not too painful to bear unless pressed upon. The burns kept paining him for what felt like hours afterwards, stabbing into his body and mind with dagger-like intensity. It didn’t help that Hammer kept rubbing his fingers all over them, mapping them out and deciding where to put a new one. He had abandoned the cigarette and had instead placed a piece of iron with a blunt, round head in a fire until it was red hot.

To his everlasting shame, Loki had begged him to stop. He had so wanted to be strong, to not give his jailer the pleasure of seeing him break, yet the pain had been too much. Hammer had laughed at him, laughed and then slapped him hard enough to make his ears ring. The older man’s hands were now trailing up over his collarbones and onto his neck. Loki wimpered, feeling his body tense as the iron was once more pulled out of the fire. He closed his eyes, heart hammering for a few moments before the brand made contact with the skin on the side of his neck and his world exploded into white pain again.

He didn’t know how long he had been out, but when he came to, Hammer was fucking him again, muttering praise of how good he felt, how he was made for this kind of treatment. Loki was too tired to protest. His skin was on fire where the other’s chest rubbed against his and his neck hurt something fierce. The muscles where Hammer was forcing himself inside were screaming with the strain of opening so wide and his bowels felt rubbed raw from the lack of lubrication. Loki comforted himself with the thought that it couldn’t hurt much longer. Soon Hammer would grow bored with him, like he had with those other boys, and he would kill him.

No more pain. No more fear. He nearly found himself looking forward to it.

Hammer was rutting harder now, mouth sucking at the new burnmark on Loki’s neck, pulling him back to the aching present. He grunted from the force behind the pushes, feeling them drive the air from his lungs again and again. Finally it was over, hot seed splashing into his ass before the other pulled out and it dripped out to stain his thighs. He let his eyes slide shut, too tired to care about what happened next. It seemed he was allowed a reprieve however: Hammer let himself drop to the fieldbed that stood along a wall and grinned at him.

“Seems you’ve tired me out, little whore. Best get some sleep and dream of pleasant things. Tomorrow will be your last day on Earth, but we still have some time to play before your final curtain falls.”

His last day. Loki watched as Justin Hammer fell asleep, wishing there was someone else to share his last hours with. He didn’t want to spend them with this monster. He wanted his brother to be here, Thor who had always seemed so strong and sure. Thor who had promised to keep him safe. Where was he now, while Loki suffered? Was he still at the station, looking for clues, big hands in his golden mane in his despair? Or was he at home, trying to think of something else than the little brother that had been taken from him, counting the hours until he could search again.

For a moment, Loki hated his brother. Hated Thor for breaking his promise and being safe. And then he hated himself for thinking such a thing.

He couldn’t sleep, his thoughts were disjointed and drifted far away from where they had started out. He thought of his parents, both dead for 2 years now and his next thought was for the new CD he had bought just last week. He would never hear it again, but maybe he would see his parents when he died.

**********************

Forensics had confirmed that the abuse and killings had not taken place in Justin’s house. The big question now was where he had then taken those kids. They had gone through all the records the city held of who owned or rented in the area, but nothing came out. Time was passing by and they came no closer to an answer. Thor burried his hands in his hair, pulling lightly at the strands to keep himself focused.

He looked up at the sound of a commotion as Tony and Bruce came out of the lab with the pictures Natasha had given them. The scientists cleared a piece of tabletop by pushing some of the other things spread out there aside and then displayed a number of pages that had enhanced printouts of the photo’s on them.

“Look at the background.” Tony said, excitement dripping from his voice, pointing at what he wanted them to see. “We think they’re wooden beams. Ergo, they seem to have been taken in a cabin or a shack or something. I don’t think we’re looking for something in the city itself. We should take the suburbs and stuff into account as well.” Bruce nodded his agreement.

“There’s no record of him owning or renting anything apart from his house.” Clint said, pulling out a folder with the relevant data while Nat leaned closer to study the prints. Thor sighed: this enlarged the area they would have to search considerably, diminishing their odds for success.

“A cabin?” Steve asked from the doorway. He had taken it as a personal slight that his partner had deceived him while kidnapping and killing innocents. They would need to get him counseling when this was over, Thor thought. Hell, they probably would all need counseling and heaps of it. “Justin, he sometimes spoke of a cabin where he would spend a weekend. I think he rents it from his uncle. He always talked as if it wasn’t far at all.” He scuffed a toe on the floor, voice sterner when he added. “It’s an uncle on his mother’s side, so the name isn’t Hammer and wouldn’t have come up in the property searches.”

Nathasha grabbed the nearest phone, while Clint read her the number they had on file for the uncle. She dialed and then waited until it seemed no-one would pick up, then held up a finger to signal she had a line. “Good morning, Mister Goodwin. This is Natasha Romanov from the police department. I’m a colleague of your nephew. We’re trying to reach him, but he’s not answering his phone and he’s not at home.” A pause. “Your cabin? Could you give me the address for it?” She scribbled something down on her notepad. “Thank you very much, sir. No, there’s no need to call him, we’ll just send a car to pick him up. Goodbye.”

She was out of her chair as soon as the horn touched the receiver. “He’s close, but it’s in the woods. We’ll have to make sure to surround it before we make a move.”

“You go on ahead, make sure he’s there.” Fury ordered. “Don’t make a move until you hear the command. I want him arrested with a nice long sentence and the suffering a jail brings for those perverts who rape children.”

Phil banished Thor to the passenger side when they came to the car, but he couldn’t blame him for that. His hands were shaking and his heart was doing overtime. Nobody tried to stop him from coming along though and that was far more than he had hoped for already.

The sun came up as they rode along the highway out of town. Their navigationsystem placed the total amount of time needed for the journey at almost an hour. Thor was willing them to go faster and Coulson humored him by driving faster than the speedlimit normally allowed.

They made it in half an hour. Phil pulled up at the beginning of the driveway to the cabin, from which position they blocked Justin’s car from leaving but were still far enough away as to be inaudible inside the cottage. It was visible between the leaves of some trees: a building of perhaps two or three small rooms. Natasha, Clint and Steve pulled up behind them. Clint broke away, making his way carefully to the little house and circling it slowly before heading back.

“The windows have all been boarded up.” He reported. “But there’s fairly new mud on the porch, going in only. I think it’s safe to say he’s here.” He gave Thor an apologetic look. “No sign of Loki so far.”

“There wouldn’t be,” Nat said, “or he would risk getting caught.”

“Back-up will be here in 20 minutes.” Phil said, taking command as the senior officer in the field. “Thor, you stay in the backseat on this one. I know you want Hammer, I’d like to hit him myself, but Loki will need you when we get him out of there.”

Thor nodded regretfully, recognizing Loki’s greater need. His friends would make sure that Justin Hammer faced justice, either by arresting him or killing him. Thor didn’t particularly care.

They waited impatiently for their backup: a fleet of policecars that carefully stayed out of view on the main road and an ambulance that had been sent to care for Loki when they freed him. And it would be ‘when’, he vowed, not ‘if’.

All the officers began to move into position around him, some circling around to cover the back of the cabin, others taking a stand near doors and windows. Weapons were drawn and Nat held up a hand for a silent countdown. When she had only two more fingers to go, the first scream could be heard from the cabin.

 


	8. The cabin in the woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Marvel does.

Loki must have dozed off despite everything, somewhere near what he thought was dawn, because he was awakened by a bucket of water that was thrown over him. The shower had him coughing and gasping while he tried to shake the water out of his eyes. The movement had all his wounds flaring up at even this minor disturbance.  
  


“Good morning!” Hammer said. He threaded his hand gently through Loki’s black hair a few times, combing the wet locks out of his eyes before seizing the strands hard in his fist and forcing his captive’s head back to admire the burn on his neck. “That came out rather nice.” he stroked over it with a finger, “Too bad you have to die: I would love the thought of you spending the rest of your life with my mark on you. Would you wear high-collared shirts to hide it from everyone else, I wonder.”

Loki closed his eyes at those words: far better to die than to be reminded of what the bastard had done to him every day. Many of the cuts had gotten infected as well and would leave scars riddled all over him. He knew it was vanity speaking, but he was glad on some level that he wouldn’t have to face himself in any mirrors.

“What to do first?” Hammer was asking himself meanwhile. “So much to play with, so little time.” The man walked back to his table with ‘toys’ and circled around it. Loki clenched his teeth: he had resigned himself to dying, but in doing so, he had found strength too. He didn’t want to die as a broken, whimpering thing. He would keep his cries contained for as long as he could. He could derive a little pride from denying Hammer what he wanted.

His tormentor returned with a knife, several sizes larger than the small yet sharp ones he had wielded the previous times. Loki felt his eyes go wide before he wrestled his reaction back down. ‘It’s only temporarily’, he thought, ‘Another few hours and I’ll never know pain again. I can do this.’

The first slice ran for two inches on top of his thigh. He squeezed his eyes shut, clenched his teeth and swallowed the sound that wanted to rise from his throat. The gash certainly felt deeper than the others and a flood of warmth over his thigh alerted him that he was bleeding.

The procedure was repeated with care over his other thigh, the right side of his chest and both his upper arms. Hammer got angrier with each time that Loki refused to cry out and by the time he had finished the third cut he stopped between them to deliver a firm beating to any part of his victim that he could reach. Loki felt like his teeth would crumble with the force he mashed them together but he managed to stay still.

Justin stood panting, knife dripping blood in his hands, eyes wild and angrier than he had ever seen them. Loki thought he understood: this was about control, and he had wrested that away by refusing to beg or plead. Maybe he would be so angry that he would kill Loki quickly, instead of drawing it out for hours. One could only hope.

Loki waited, one moment, two... Then the knife was lifted high and plunged with all of Hammer’s strength into the meat of Loki’s thigh. He could feel it sliding on the bone inside, and then he heared himself screaming and the other’s laughter.

“Not so though now, are you, you little whore?” Justin asked. His hand was still on the knife and the blade was still buried in his flesh. Hammer smirked as he gave it a jerk to the side, opening the wound wider. Blood dripped down on the table as another ragged scream was forced from him. He couldn’t see how much he was losing, but if a main artery had been cut he would bleed out in minutes.

There were several loud crashes from outside the room that caused Hammer to pull away in surprise. Loki had to fight not to black out from the pain and couldn’t proces why his tormentor would suddenly leave him to dash to the door of the little room. He never made it though, it opened before him and he was looking up the barrel of a police-issue gun and further up until he met the eyes of Steve Rogers.

*****

Not a second passed after that scream before Nat gave the sign to move in. Thor went with her, second wave be damned, that was his brother screaming and he would not stand by idly. They broke down the door, the sound of another scream spurring them on. Officers swept through the livingroom and broke up into two groups to cover the two doors that lead further into the interior. Thor stuck close to Steve who went to open the right one and was therefore right behind him when it swung open and they looked into the face of their serial killer.

“Hey, partner.” Justin Hammer had the gall to grin at them.

“On the ground, Justin.” Steve growled.

“Oh, aren’t we going to talk?” their ex-partner asked, a manic grin on his face. He was backing away slowly and by now his body no longer blocked their view of the table. Or the naked figure bound to that table.

Thor could feel a growl rumbling through his chest as he got his first look at his little brother. Loki was bound at wrists and ankles, blood decorated his limbs and chest and there was a knife sticking out from one thigh. A knife Justin Hammer was now reaching for.

“Don’t you dare touch that!” Thor yelled, only to be ignored.

“Well, Stevie,” their former colleague said, “Are you just going to allow me to slice up Thor’s little brother some more or are you going to shoot me?”

“Step away from him, Justin.” Steve said, but his gun trembled as he aimed for the other’s heart.

“Not going to happen, Stevie.” Hammer jeered, “Who’s it going to be: the little whore or your partner. Better choose fast or I’ll slice through his artery and he’ll be dead before the meds can get here.” His hand closed around the haft and Loki moaned as it aggravated the wound.

At the sound Thor aimed his own weapon, training it unwaveringly at the heart of the man who had dared hurt his little brother. A shot rang out and Thor glanced startled at his target as the man let out a wail of pain and collapsed to the ground with a knee that was now no more than a mass of blood and torn jeans.

“Stay down or I’ll put a bullet somewhere else that’s not lethal and hurts like hell.” Clint growled, moving in to keep a steady line of fire while Nat forced Justin onto his belly and cuffed his hands on his back.

Thor ignored them, stowing his gun and moving to the table. He had no other thought than wanting to free his little brother. To cut loose the ropes that had surely rubbed raw the skin at wrists and ankles. But he found when he got there that he couldn’t, not after getting a better look at him. He was finally pushed aside by the medics and still all he could do was stare. That wasn’t his brother on the table, it couldn’t be. The eyes were firmly closed and little sobs tore from the boy’s throat. This kid looked far younger than Loki, broken and frail with cuts and bruises everywhere. And, oh god, the burns.

It was all his fault, Thor realised, that was why he couldn’t bring himself to touch Loki. It was his fault that his brother had suffered like this. He had had these thoughts while investigating too, but then he had been able to push them aside and focus on the research. Now, with proof of just what Loki had been through in front of him, he couldn’t hide from them anymore. If Thor had not been so naïve as to trust Hammer and placed Loki nearly in the killer’s hands himself…

Thor felt something inside of him break when finally those green eyes opened and he looked at his brother. His throat choked up as Loki tried feebly to move towards him and without wanting to, he took a step back. And then another. He couldn’t meet Loki’s gaze anymore and fled from the scene like a coward.

*******************

When his brother turned and went away, Loki let himself fall back onto the table and lay still as death while the medics cut the ropes and rearranged his limbs to stimulate bloodflow. They draped a cloth over him to allow him some modicum of decency while Hammer was escorted out and others came in to gather all the evidence they could. He could faintly hear the constant clicking of a camera and the flash was visible through his closed eyelids.

He lay still while they pulled the knife from his thigh and prevented it from bleeding much more. He didn’t even flinch when they smeared cleansing agents on his burns and cuts or bandaged the more urgent ones.

His mind was somewhere else, or maybe it was nowhere, or he had died without anyone noticing and he was on his way to whatever afterlife awaited him. Maybe they had just doped him on painkillers and that was why everything seemed so far away.

He thought he recognized Steve Rogers at his shoulder at some point, but he curled away from the arm that reached out to him. The medics were good, professional, all clean touches lasting just long enough to get the job done. Steve’s touch would be different: he would want Loki to feel. He didn’t want that and so he shut it out. Rogers went away after that.

Finally everything that was urgent and needed to be done at the scene was over and he was put on a stretcher and carried gently to the ambulance. It was a new one he would learn later: nobody had wanted to put him together in a vehicle with the man that had hurt him so. Instead it was Natasha who rode with him, not holding his hand, but keeping an eye on him all the same. The movement of the ambulance lulled him and combined with the painkillers put him to sleep.


	9. Hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: these characters aren't mine, they're Marvel's.

Thor had gone to sit in their cruiser after he had run away from the cottage. He sat with his head bowed low, vaguely aware that he was having a panic attack. The edges of his vision were turning black since his lungs refused to take in enough air and he might have passed out completely if not for Phil who had followed him and now pushed a paper bag into his hands to breathe into.  
  
Comforting hands settled on his shoulders as his partner urged him to just calm down and breathe. When he finally felt as if he wouldn’t collapse when he pulled the bag away he sat up straighter and took a few more deep breaths.  
  
“I fucked up.” He said, looking at Phil who sat on his haunches before him. “Loki needed me and I did nothing. Worse, I ran away from him.”  
  
“They’ve drugged him with painkillers, Thor. More than likely he will not remember you doing so. And even if he does, he knows you only panicked because you care about him so much. He won’t blame you.”  
  
“So what if he doesn’t remember?” Thor nearly yelled, “I remember! Of all the times I could have chickened out, it had to be now, when he needed me to reassure him that he is safe. God, he could have died, it was so close.” His shoulders slumped with mingled relief and defeat. “If we had found them an hour later...”  
  
“But we didn’t and he’s going to live.” Phil said, “Although I won’t lie to you: he might not like that, especially when he realizes everything he’s been through. This is going to leave major scars, Thor, and the physical ones will be the least of them.”  
  
“I need to go to the hospital. Loki will want me there when he wakes up.”  
  
“I’ll take you there. The others can clean up, I’m sure Fury will understand.”  
  
Thor mumbled something about what Fury could do if he didn’t understand and swung his heavy legs inside the vehicule. Phil shut his door, then went around the car, calling out to another officer to let them know where they were headed. He climbed into the driver’s seat and pulled out onto the road. Thor watched the freeway go by without really seeing it, the image of his brother how they had found him superimposed over everything. Phil seemed to sense his need for quiet, contenting himself with just driving.  
  
The drive back took them longer than the initial mad dash there, giving Thor the time he needed to pull himself back together and start thinking up a plan for what he would do next. He could take his vacation days now to make sure Loki always had someone familiar near him and to help him when he came back home. Maybe he’d have to walk with crutches to allow his thigh time to heal. They could arrange the appartment so that there was a wide way everywhere. “How long do you think he’ll have to stay at the hospital?” he asked Phil.  
  
His partner didn’t spare him a glance since by that time they’d plunged into the city traffic and the end of the rush hour. “It’ll be some time before he’s allowed to go home and even then he would have to return for checkups and therapy I guess.”  
  
Thor mulled this over. It would be a long road to recovery, he knew that. And it would weigh hard on the both of them. And then there would be the repercussions of Justin’s duplicity. Internal affairs would be all over their unit and maybe even want to interrogate Loki about what he had heard and seen from Hammer to figure out if he had accomplices in the force. Not to mention that the media would get a real kick out of the story of a cop-turned-killer.  
  
The best he could do was to shield his little brother from as much of it as possible. He didn’t need any part of the circus that would be built around this case. What he did need, Thor was not so sure about: his team mostly dealt with victims that had already been deceased and thus the aftercare a victim received had never been something he had become involved with. He would have to take his clues from the doctors and Loki himself.  
  
Phil pulled onto the parking lot and found a place close to the entrance. They exited the car and walked inside, heading straight for the front desk where Phil flashed his badge and explained the situation. The hospital was quiet around them as they followed a nurse to the operating theatre. Apparently his brother had suffered broken bones along with the numerous cuts, bruises and burns and they needed to be set as fast as possible to prevent them from healing incorrectly. Thor and Phil were shown to a couple of chairs where they could wait until the surgeons were done. Phil disappeared almost immediately to call Fury and fetch them both some coffee. Thor gratefully sipped at his cup, beginning to feel the effects of their all-nighter and then his panic attack.  
  
Phil stashed his phone back into his jacket as he took a seat next to him. “Fury says not to bother coming in the rest of the week. We were all there, so we can all write the report and internal affairs can just wait until Loki is taken care of first before they interrogate you.”  
  
“Fury is going to be 2 men down for some time then.” Thor said, eyes trained on the door to the waiting area. “I plan to take all my leave to see my brother through this.”  
  
“We’ll manage somehow.” Phil assured him, “We’ll borrow men from other units if it really comes to that. I’ve always thought Traffic was overstaffed anyway.” The attempt at a joke fell rather flat but neither cared and they were content to sit in silence.  
  
“Thanks, Phil.” Thor said after a while, “I know I’ve not been an ideal partner this last week and I wouldn’t have blamed you for walking out on me.”  
  
“Thor, your brother was missing. More than that: he was being tortured and we both knew it and couldn’t do anything about it. I would have questioned your humanity if your temper didn’t flare. You pushed yourself hard and Loki’s alive because of it. The fact that you snapped at a few people doesn’t mean you’re a monster, it means you’re a big brother who wanted to do whatever he could to make sure his little brother lived.”  
  
“Still...” Thor started, but Phil cut him off.  
  
“Still, nothing. If you feel so bad about it you can buy me a box of chocolates, but after that we’re going to drop the subject. Alright?”  
  
“Alright.” Thor agreed with a sheepish half-smile on his lips. They sat in further silence until the doors opened and the doctor arrived.  
  
“Officers Odinson and Coulson?” he asked, looking up at them from his clipboard.  
  
“That’s us.” Phil confirmed. “I’m Phil Coulson, this is my partner Thor Odinson.”  
  
They shook hands and the doctor gave them a slight grimace. “Very bad business this.” He said, gesturing with the clipboard. He then turned to face Thor: “You’re his brother as well as an officer?” Thor nodded and he went on. “He has three broken ribs, a multitude of bruises and a small rupture in his liver that thankfully the ambulance people caught early on so they could give him extra blood. Then there’s the cuts, most of which are relatively superficial, except for the one in his thigh. He bled quite a bit from that too and the knife has cut through some of the muscles there, so walking is out of the question for now. A number of the deeper and more infested cuts will scar, as will the burns, especially the one on his neck.” The man took a deep breath before continuing. “He’s also been raped, several times from the look of it. Those wounds will heal completely, although they will pain him for a few more days. We’ve run a test for STD’s and will let you know the results the moment we get them.”  
  
“Now all this is the physical part. At the moment he’s still under narcosis and we have no idea how he will be when he wakes up. If you like, you can sit with him until he does. Having a familiar presence is often reassuring for victims. I know this is not up to me, but if at all possible, you should not be the one to interrogate him, just to be sure that he sees you as a safe haven and not someone who’ll force him to relive painful memories.”  
  
“I’ll ask Natasha to do it, she’s the most tactful among us.” Phil said, typing a message to Fury to ask for just that.  
  
The doctor nodded. “We’ll appoint a psychiatrist to Loki when we see what kind of help he needs the most. He might have to have multiple people, though, until we figure out who’s right for him.” He closed his clipboard and motioned for them to follow along.  
  
The nurse who had been sitting with Loki stood up and exited the room with an encouraging smile when they entered. Thor went over to the bedside, looking down at his little brother who was almost as pale as the bedsheet he lay upon, at least in the places where unbruised skin showed. There were bandages to cover the stiches that the deeper cuts had needed and his wrists and ankles where the rope had cut deep from his struggles. The right thigh had been slightly elevated and swaddled completely around beneath the slight hospital pants so that they bulged weirdly. A piece of gauze was wrapped over the burn on his throat and several smaller pieces were interspersed with the bandages.  
  
“I know it’s not a pretty sight, but we’ve done everything possible to make sure the scarring will be minimal. Still, with so many cuts and burns, minimal is a relative term. The cut in his thigh is going to scar, there’s nothing we can do for that, the wound is too deep and wide. The cigarette burns will not be so bad, but the ones inflicted with the hot iron go deeper and they’ll leave scars as well.”  
  
“I don’t care,” Thor said, “He’s alive, everything else is managable.”  
  
“He might care, “ the doctor said, “He might care a great deal. If he wants to, later on, we could do some cosmetic surgery to help him. But that’s rather jumping ahead of things: for now, we won’t know anything until he wakes up. If he does, or if you need assistance with anything else, that’s the button to call a nurse or doctor. I need to go finish my rounds now, but I’ll be back later to see how everything is developing.”  
  
They shook hands and then the doctor left while Thor took a seat next to Loki’s bed and Phil took the other couch on the opposite side. Thor took the opportunity to catalog all the damage his brother had suffered. The attending physicians would have compiled a complete report on all the injuries for the police and the court and Thor would have to see them in all their horror if he was summoned as a witness. He didn’t know if he could do it: they were horrible enough when they were all bandaged up.  
  
Phil was busy sending texts and kept Thor appraised of any new development: Hammer had been taken to another hospital completely and it seemed the media had taken up position there, which was a relief. There were messages from all of their unit, asking how Loki was doing. Hammer had been officialy charged with murder, assault, kidnapping, battery and rape and since they had caught him in the act, he was going behind bars for a long time. Steve warned them that large parts of the story were already all over the news. They were calling Loki ‘the Boy Who Lived’. For some reason that made Thor so angry he wanted to put his fist through something. The things that had been done to his brother should not be relegated to a parody on a fictional character: Loki was real and so were his hurts.  
  
The wait seemed endless. Phil went to get more coffee and Thor fought to keep his eyes open.  
  
Finally Thor looked up again from where he had been wringing his hands, and found Loki’s eyes blinking sleepily, trying to focus after being sedated. He stood up and walked to the edge of the bed. “Brother.” He said, feeling his voice choke on even that simple word. Green eyes blinked at him, but there was no recognition in them. Thor reached out to stroke his brother’s hair, a method he had used when they were both much smaller to soothe his little brother.  
  
He was totally unprepared to have Loki start to scream his head off the moment Thor touched him.


	10. I want to be normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: these characters don't belong to me, they're Marvel's.

When Loki woke up, he was confused. He hurt, but that had become the natural state upon awakening and to be expected. The lack of restraints and the fact that he seemed to be lying on a soft matress instead of the hard table that had been his companion for the last days jogged his memory. Disjointed images of paramedics and agents passed behind his closed eyelids and he thought he had been rescued, but maybe his mind had just given way and he was hallucinating all of it.  
  
His eyelids were still heavy and Loki got the impression that he had been sedated. He struggled through the last vestiges of the sleeping agent and opened his eyes. Everything in front of him was vague, though he could discern a shape coming his way. He blinked his eyes, trying to clear his vision, then froze as a hand came to rest on his hair.  
  
The effect was immediate and totally out of Loki’s control. His brain connected the hand in his hair to the cop that had abused him without his conscious input and then decided that he needed help and the fastest way to get it was to attract everyone’s attention. He was screaming before a second had passed, hysteria having firmly settled in such that he couldn’t even recognize his brother when the fog over his eyes finally cleared.  
  
The hospital room wasn’t what he saw at all. Instead it was the dreary room in the cottage and he was tied to the table again with Justin’s voice crooning in his ear about the things he would do to him. In his panic, he struck at the hand that was touching him, hearing a gasped breath. Oh, he was in trouble now, Justin didn’t like him standing up for himself ...  
  
A door banged open to his right and people stormed in, but Loki could only follow them by sound, having dragged his legs up (his left one hurt terribly) and trying to curl in on himself to protect from further harm. Hands tried to get him to uncurl, but he only sobbed and tried weakly to push them away.  
  
The only thing that saved him from having a needle with sedatives jabbed into him was Thor who wrapped his big arms around him. It wasn’t the hold that calmed him though, but the second it held him still enough to connect the smell of Thor’s aftershave with the words ‘brother’ and ‘safety’. Loki stopped fighting and turned his face upwards, looking into Thor’s concerned blue eyes. Eyes he had despaired of ever seeing again.  
  
“Thor?” Loki asked, trying to move into a more comfortable position. With the adrenaline from his panic attack wearing off, he could feel the cuts and burns protesting their recent rough treatment.  
  
“I’m here, don’t move, you’re hurt pretty bad.” His brother answered, slowly letting go of him. He could feel slight tremors running through him, aftereffects of the sheer panic that had gripped him moments ago.  
  
“I thought I saw you earlier,” Loki said, “but then you were gone.” His memories of the rescue (and he got a little thrill of delight at the evidence that he had indeed been rescued) were hazy and he might have dreamed his brother up.  
  
He hadn’t meant it as an accusation, but Thor still flinched. “I was with you earlier, but you were too hurt for me to be around for long.” He answered, wringing his hands. Loki frowned. Thor wasn’t in the habit of wringing his hands, unless he was really nervous or trying to hide something he thought was unsuited for Loki’s ears.  
  
Loki thought about pressing the answer, though was prevented by the appearance of a man at Thor’s side. “Hello, Loki.” The white-dressed man said, “I’m your doctor. My name is Donald Blake. You’ve just had a panic attack and while it can be pretty scary, it’s also quite normal in your situation.”  
  
‘His situation’ did not sound good. Truth be told, Loki was indeed scared by what had happened mere moments ago. His hindbrain had reacted and had taken control away from him. He had basically been a prisoner in his own body.  
  
The doctor now addressed himself to Thor, asking if he had any idea what it had been that triggered the attack. Thor was forced to admit ignorance. “I only tried to calm Loki down, he seemed confused and unfocused. I thought it may be the sedation that was slow in wearing off. I...when we were younger and he had had a bad dream, I used to stroke his hair.”  
  
Loki winced at just the mention of having any part of him stroked, his skin tingling unpleasantly along his spine, but not strong enough to trigger a second bout. Both the doctor and Thor noticed his reaction and Blake said: “I think there will be no hair-stroking for a while. It appears we found the first trigger.”  
  
“Trigger?” Loki querried. ‘No, no, no,’ his thoughts rebelled, ‘there’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t want to be here. They can’t keep me here. I want to go home!’  
  
“A trigger,” Doctor Blake explained, “is anything that your mind associates with the ordeal you have been through and that causes it to react in such a way that it thinks will protect you. It can be a touch, something you see, a smell or even a general situation you’re in. You’ll have to avoid them for a while until you’ve worked through the experience in therapy.”  
  
Therapy. The thought alone turned his stomach: it cemented the fact that there was something wrong with him. Normal people didn’t need therapy. Normal people didn’t freak out when their hair was touched. Had his time as a prisoner of Hammer made him just as twisted as the cop was? Nobody would want him then, not even Thor. Maybe that was why he had gone away earlier, because he had known how broken Loki was by just looking at him.  
  
Therapy could fix him, though, couldn’t it? He could be normal again if he went. But what if it didn’t help? What if he remained broken forever?  
  
“Loki? Loki!”  
  
He lifted his head at the mention of his name, blinking. Both Thor and the doctor were looking at him in concern. He must have zoned out.  
  
“I know it’s a lot to take in.” Dr Blake said, “If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask them. All the staff here are trained and if they don’t know the answer they’ll pass your question on to a specialist. We all want you to get better, but we don’t want to pressure you. If you’re uncomfortable with anything, just tell us. We’ll try to figure something out.”  
  
Loki asked the first question to pop into his mind. “When can I go home?”  
  
Dr Blake’s smile fell a little. “Not for a while yet, I’m afraid. You’ve sustained some troubling injuries. We’d like to keep an eye on that stabwound and the burn on your neck at the least. And you’ll have to talk to a psychiatrist so we can see what kind of counseling you’ll need.”  
  
Loki looked back down into his lap, hands playing nervously with the edge of the blanket. When it became clear that he wouldn’t ask anything else, Dr Blake said his goodbyes and left. Phil Coulson left as well, excusing himself because he had to go to the station to type up his report. He said he hoped Loki would feel better soon and that if he ever needed anything, the entire force would be glad to help. Loki didn’t reply, but the agent didn’t seem to take it personally. Instead he clasped Thor’s shoulder, said the same applied to him and collected his jacket before leaving.  
  
Thor stood by the bed for a while longer and Loki could feel his anxiety. He saw his brother’s hands clench on the rail out of the corner of his eye as Thor restrained himself from the impulsive act of running his fingers through his little brother’s hair. It was a gesture that under normal circumstances didn’t just comfort Loki, but Thor as well. He thought hard to find some words to make his brother feel better, to make him realize that he wasn’t mad at him for failing to rescue him sooner, or for causing that attack. Thor wasn’t the broken one, after all. He was just acting as he always had.  
  
Yet he couldn’t find the words and after the silence had become painful, it was Thor who broke it. “It’s alright if you don’t want to talk.” He said, “Maybe you should sleep some more. Real sleep this time, not the drugged kind.”  
  
There seemed to be little else that he could do, so Loki carefully laid himself back down and dutifully closed his eyes. He wished he could lie in another position than on his back, but his wounds and the drip connected to his arm made that impossible. He wanted to ask Thor to step away from him, the looming of his big frame was setting his teeth on edge, reminding him of how Hammer had stood beside him when he was tied up and couldn’t leave. He didn’t dare ask however, he didn’t really want his brother to go away.  
  
His body still needed all the energy it could find to heal, and the panic attack had worn him out. He could feel himself sliding toward sleep when he heard Thor move away and then the creaking of the chair that stood by the window. His anxiety abated and he let himself slide into the warm and comforting darkness.


	11. Reliving doesn't make the memories better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel.

The hospital staff wanted to keep him a total of two weeks before they felt comfortable giving him the all-clear to go home. His wounds were coming along nicely, but the doctors weren’t taking any risks. On top of that, they insisted he saw a psychiatrist a few times to make certain he wasn’t suicidal. Oh, they never phrased it that way, but Loki had seen the covert looks they gave each other. He did whatever they asked him to do, but there was not much enthusiasm behind it. Most of his movements had a mechanical feel to them and his thoughts often wandered.  
  
Unsurprisingly, the psychiatrist’s preliminary findings were the beginning of a depression and a tendency to swing wildly between hyper-alertness when he was around strangers and a detached manner around the people he knew and loved. He also noted that Loki seemed to be repressing what had happened to him.  
  
Thor and he had discovered a second trigger for his panic attacks when his older brother had convinced him to let Thor take him outside in his wheelchair. The fresh air had done him good, until they passed the part of the hospital garden that was reserved for smokers. The scent of the cigarettes had been like a hammer to his stomach, making his burns ache in remembrance. Thor had taken him back to his room and had held him as he sobbed and hyperventilated. They had given him a mild sedative afterwards and he had been glad for the sleep it afforded him.  
  
He liked to sleep more than anything else nowadays. The shrink said it was part of the symptoms of a depression, but for Loki it was more than that. Sleep was easy and even remarkably nightmare-free. The flashes of memory mostly came during the day and at the most innocent of things: the cigarettes, a man in the hospital with roughly the same build as Hammer, sometimes just the sight of a table was enough to turn his stomach. He avoided looking at himself in the bathroom mirror.  
  
Most of the times Thor would be there to guard him. Sometimes he had to step outside when someone from the police station wanted to take his statement or when he had to give his side of the story to internal affairs. About a week into his stay at the hospital, Natasha and two attorneys came to see Loki. They were working the case against Hammer and had come to take his statement.  
  
“He hasn’t talked to anyone yet.” Thor said, placing himself half between his colleague and the bed that held his little brother.  
  
“We wouldn’t be here if there was more time, Thor. The last thing we want to do is make this worse. But the government has decided to make an example out of the case and to have the trial as soon as possible. It’s a nice sentiment, but it’s forcing us all to work much faster than we would want.” Natasha explained. “You can stay in the room if it would be easier on Loki.” She poked her head around the big blond and arched a questioning eyebrow at the smaller black-haired figure behind him.  
  
Loki was doing his best to disappear into his pillow, eyes wide and flashing around to look for a way out of the situation. His breathing was faster and if he had been able to walk unassisted, he might have tried to make a run for it. Unfortunately, he was still a prisoner to his bad leg and had no other choice than to stay where he was. Natasha felt her heart wrench for him as she slowly skirted around Thor, keeping her hands up where Loki could see them. She moved to seat herself in the chair that stood by the bed, training teaching her that she would be less threatening if she was at the same height as he was.  
  
“I know this isn’t easy for you. You haven’t had time to come to grips with everything yet and we’re asking you to relive everything.” The large green eyes that looked at her were slightly tearful, but at least he was listening. “You have a choice here, Loki. You can say nothing and I’ll admit we would still have enough to put him away for a long time since we caught him in the act. Or you could come forward and tell us what happened to you. The conviction will be a little heavier of course, but you will also give closure to all those parents, brothers, sisters and friends of the other victims. It’s horrible to not know what their loved one went through in his final days, even more terrible than knowing what did happen.”  
  
Loki looked from her to his brother, then to the lawyers. He was biting his lower lip nervously. Natasha waited patiently for what might have been fifteen minutes before the young man dropped his eyes to the bedspread. She sighed softly, taking it as dismissal. She couldn’t really blame him: these things took months or even years to get over, not the mere week that Loki had been given. She gave him a small smile, even though he couldn’t see it, and prepared to stand again when she caught his words, barely more than a whisper. “Can it be just you and Thor?”  
  
“Of course.” Natasha said, motioning for the two to leave. She brought out the tape recorder from her jacket pocket and put it on the bedside table. “Just tell me when you’re ready.”  
  
Loki’s first instinct was to tell her he would never be, but since he had already told her he would do it, it would sound childish. Instead he watched the two strangers leave and he thought about what it would be like for Thor to not have closure if he had died too. He remembers the days after the car-accident that killed their parents. The wondering if they had suffered or if death had been mercifully quick. It had been a relief to be shown the police report that had stated exactly what had happened. The human mind had a tendency to make up awful stories of its own if the truth was out of reach.  
  
Thor took up his customary seat by the other side of the bed, reaching out to squeeze his hand, reminding him he was not alone in this. Loki took a deep breath and then nodded at Natasha to signal he was ready.  
  
“Alright,” she said, “If you want to stop at any point, just say so. For now, I’d like you to tell us what happened from the moment you left Fury’s presence in the school.”  
  
Loki was not sure if she was asking him about this point on purpose because it would be easier to start with, or because it was just the first thing to happen in chronological order. Either way, he was grateful to start of with something that was fairly stress-free in comparison to what came afterwards.  
  
He took a deep breath, told himself to focus on the facts and started his story. He told her about exiting the school grounds, passing the first checkpoints and then coming to the alley. How Hammer had been there and had told him that they had caught their guy. How Loki had followed him through the alley and had willingly stepped into his car. How the cop had finally shown his true face, drugged him and put him in the back.  
  
He heard Thor groan, placing his head in his hands at the reminder of how close his brother had been. How they could have averted all that came after by simply searching Hammer’s car. Natasha gave him a sharp look and a barely-there shake of her head that Loki interpreted as ‘don’t go there now’.  
  
“What happened next?” she prompted him.  
  
Loki shivered, averting his gaze for a moment as he tried to regain his calm. He practised the trick that his shrink had taught him: when you can’t handle it, focus on the facts and distance yourself from your feelings. It didn’t work as well as it probably should, but it gave him the strength to continue his story.  
  
“I don’t remember anything between then and waking up in his cottage, finding myself tied to a table. He talked…something about the others being tests and always having wanted me. How we were going to have fun together. I’m sorry, I don’t remember the exact words.”  
  
“You’re doing great. The wording isn’t that important.” Natasha reassured him.  
  
Loki nodded and went on. He told of those first invasive touches and how Justin had taken up the knife, marking his skin. He felt himself start to breathe faster and stopped for a moment, reaching out a hand towards Thor. His brother’s big hand wrapped around his own almost immediately, squeezing gently.  
  
As his tale unfolded further, he could feel his emotions catching up with him, no matter how hard he tried to control them. He talked about trying to free himself, finding the ropes too tight and strong to get out of. How Hammer came back later, talking to him as if he were his best friend, tormenting him with news of Thor. How he had cut him until Loki had been forced to jerk away and how he had been punished for that with a savage beating that had caused his broken ribs.  
  
He finally broke out in tears as he told them about the next night and the deal Justin had made him. And then afterwards, how he had raped him. He didn’t go into any specifics but just the thought of it had him curling into Thor, who had moved to sit on the side of the bed and was crying soundlessly. Thor’s embrace was so thight that Loki could imagine he was trying to squeeze all the hurt out of him.  
  
He couldn’t have said how much time it took him before he could move on, wiping his dripping nose on his sleeve. He forced himself to really breathe a few times. He had told them of 3 nights already, he could tell them about the final one too.  
  
And so he did, tears still tracking down his cheeks, leaning into the comfort that was Thor. He recounted how Hammer had arrived back that last evening, knowing his time was up. The cigarettes and then the hot iron, the second rape. And then, just before the others arrived, the big knife that he had thought would end his life.  
  
“And then you came.” He ended, feeling completely drained. He knew he should have felt lighter inside. His shrink always said that talking about those things would help. Only it didn’t feel that way, it felt more like all those things were real again where he had managed to push them away for a week. And those damned tears just wouldn’t stop.  
  
Natasha reached out slowly to her recorder, shutting it off and returning it to her pocket. She placed a gentle hand on Loki’s forearm. “Thank you, that was very brave what you just did.” She smiled softly at Thor before disappearing outside.  
  
Despite Natasha’s words, Loki didn’t feel brave. He felt weak and pathetic, being rocked gently by his brother. Thor’s voice sounded choked with tears when he whispered that it would all be alright. Loki didn’t believe it, it was just a platitude, something people said when they didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t think even Thor himself believed it.  
  
Telling his story had shattered the wall he had so carefully built between himself and the time he had spent as Hammer’s captive. His only defence was gone and even Thor’s strong arms couldn’t protect him from this. He could feel the darkness of full-fledged depression coming closer and closer, reaching out grabby tendrils to ensnare him.


	12. Sweet escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel. Title from the Gwen Stefani track by the same name.

Lately, all Thor wanted was to hit something, hard and repeatedly. If he could hit anything he wanted, the face of Justin Hammer would figure prominently at the top of his ‘things to hit’ – list. Unfortunately, Hammer was safely locked away in a highly guarded facility and Thor had to settle for a common boxing-bag.  
  
It wasn’t in his nature normally to be so aggressive. He had a quick temper sometimes, but all who knew him agreed that he was actually a pretty lovable and easygoing guy. This last week though, frustration and helplessness had taken a firm hold of him and this was the safest way to take it out on something rather than have him blow up on someone.  
  
Thor had had high hopes a week ago. His brother had talked about his captivity for the first time, which his shrink had said would be crucial for the rest of the emotional healing process. Loki had cried, but so had Thor. Even Natasha had had a tell-tale gleam of tears in her eyes. Which normal human being wouldn’t when confronted with the atrocities that had been forced on his brother? Thor thought it had been cathartic.  
  
Silly him.  
  
Loki had fallen asleep in his arms after crying himself out and hadn’t spoken another word to anyone since then. He just sat and stared. The least bit of movement in his personal space made him flinch. Food and drink went untouched until the medical staff had been forced to feed him through the IV. Even Thor talking to him didn’t make any difference. Loki had seemingly retreated inside his head.  
  
Thor had gone to Loki’s psychiatrist, asking for an explanation. If they knew what was wrong, they could probably fix it. The man had explained that, while not exactly common, retreating into one’s own mind was a well-known defense mechanism of the brain. There wasn’t much they could do for Loki until he sorted himself out and decided it was safe again for him in the ‘outside world’. The doctor’s advice was to keep talking to him and to trust that Loki could hear him, even if he could perhaps not understand what was said to him.  
  
And so Thor talked to him, read him books and showed him the cards proclaiming they hoped he would get well soon that people from all over the state were sending him. None of those actions got any response though and so Thor was left with the aforementioned frustration and helplessness.  
  
When he felt himself coming dangerously close to the boiling point, he took one of his friends or the nurses up on their offer to sit with Loki for a while. Thor then went to the police gym, pounding on a punching bag until he couldn’t feel his arms anymore. It left him feeling drained with his head somewhat clearer. Afterwards he drove back and slept in the chair beside Loki’s bed.  
  
He was just leaving the gym on an evening after 8 days of no improvement when he bumped into Natasha and Clint. They took one look at him and dragged him to the adjoining cafeteria. Nat and Thor seated themselves at an out of the way table and Clint came back from the bar with three beers.  
  
“Here you go, pal.” He told Thor while putting the pint in front of him, “You look like you can use a small dose of alcohol.”  
  
“I could use a large dose too.” Thor muttered, passing his hand over his face to combat the exhaustion that was making his muscles ache.  
  
“I take it Loki is still the same then?” Natasha said. She bit her lower lip as Thor nodded and started to add “Thor I’m really sorry...”  
  
“It’s not your fault.” He cut her off, not unkindly. “You were doing your job, Nat. The shrink said it was just a matter of time: Loki was repressing way too much and now has to deal with all the stuff he held at arm’s length. He has to go through this if we want him to get better. It’s just so frustrating; I thought everything would be better if we just got him out of there. But I can’t fight this battle for him, I can’t even help him fight it.”  
  
“It sucks, “ Clint summarized. “Who’s with him now?”  
  
“Phil is. His wife is on tour with the orchestra she plays in and he had some free time on his hands.” Thor took a large swallow of his beer. “He’s been a great support through all this. Way better than I could ask or deserve.”  
  
“Phil obviously thinks you’re worth it, so I wouldn’t bother myself too much about that if I were you.” Clint remarked, “You’ve got enough real trouble as it is.”  
  
Thor gave him a small smile and a grateful nod before turning to Nat. “Any idea how the trial is coming along?”  
  
The redhead took a swallow of her own pint before replying. “They’ve set a date for three weeks from now. The lawyers really want Loki as a witness in the courtroom.” Thor shot her a murderous look, but she didn’t back down and continued. “And so do I.”  
  
“You can’t be serious!” Thor cried, drawing the attention of all the cops in the room to their table. He bent forward, keeping his voice more controlled, “Why would you want to put him in the same room as that psycho. Hasn’t he suffered enough in his presence yet?”  
  
Natasha bent forward too, causing Clint to lean back away from his two colleagues and taking his pint with him in case the two would start a brawl. “I don’t want him to suffer, Thor,” Natasha said, the look on her face clearly indicating she was hurt by the mere suggestion, “I want him to have the chance to stand up to the one who made his life a living hell. I want Hammer to see that whatever it was he wanted: fear or cowering or life-long trauma, that he hasn’t gotten that. He hasn’t won. I want Loki to win: not just the court-case, but to get his dignity and his life back.”  
  
Thor’s eyes had grown big during her impassioned speech and he had leaned away from her gradually. He swallowed now and looked at his glass, wiping his fingers through the condensation on the outside of it. “I’m sorry, “ he said finally, “I shouldn’t have attacked you like that. I know you better than to think you’d take joy in any victim’s suffering.”  
  
Natasha gave him a gracious nod, letting him off with just a “It’s to be expected that you would come to Loki’s defense. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”  
  
There was silence for a while during which they sipped their drinks, each busy with their own thoughts. Thor finally broke it to ask after the rest of the team.  
  
Clint shrugged. “There’s not much rest of the team left. Bruce and Tony are kept busy with other cases. Steve is drowning himself in paperwork and Fury is still hounded by those agents from Internal Affairs.”  
  
“Didn’t they offer Steve some kind of therapy?” Thor said, eyebrows drawing into a frown. Everyone in their unit knew Steve was taking this hard, surely Fury had done something to help him.  
  
“They offered, “ Clint confirmed, “but he wouldn’t take it. I think he wants to see this case closed first. You can bet he will be at the trial though. He seems to think that what all those victims suffered is somehow his personal fault. I just hope he doesn’t hand in his resignation afterwards: he’d be damn hard to replace.” He drained his glass and put it back down. “We’ve also asked him if he wanted to talk about it, thought maybe it would be more comfortable for him to talk to friends, but he just said he would be fine.” Clint shrugged, indicating that they were out of ideas. “All we can do is hope Steve knows what he’s doing and be there for him.”  
  
Thor nodded. “You two alright?” he then asked, “Internal Affairs aren’t hounding you, are they?”  
  
Natasha shrugged. “We’ve given our statements and haven’t heard anything since. They’re still walking in and out of Fury’s office, but there’s been no official charge. Fury isn’t talking to us either, but I don’t know if that’s good or bad.”  
  
“Nothing for it but to wait and see.” Clint said, then gestured to Thor’s glass. “Want another?”  
  
Thor sighed and pushed the glass away. “No thanks, I really don’t want to be gone too long. I usually read to Loki before I go to sleep and it’s getting kind of late.” He pulled himself to his feet and exchanged shoulder pats with Clint and a hug with Nat, thanking them for the drink and the support.  
  
When he walked to the front door, a lot of fellow officers wished him good luck with all his trials. The entire department had heard of the case and were more than willing to offer whatever aid they could give. Thor thanked them for their concern, feeling lighter with this reminder that he wasn’t on his own.  
The drive back to the hospital was quiet with not much traffic. It was nearing around 10pm when he arrived in Loki’s room and stopped in the doorway. A small smile touched his lips when he saw Phil doing muscle-exercises with Loki to make sure he would still be fit when he came out of his current fugue. He had always thought it a great loss that his partner didn’t have children of his own since he took so well to them. Phil was completely unphased when he went to take Loki’s other hand to bend his elbow and the younger man flinched back from him on instinct.  
  
“Hey,” Thor said softly as he entered the room. “Anything happen when I was gone?”  
  
Phil shook his head, keeping his voice low so as not to frighten Loki. “The same as the rest of the week.” He moved further up to flex the shoulder joint. “Feeling better?”  
  
“Much, thanks.” He let himself down in a chair on the opposite side of the bed so Phil could see him over Loki’s shoulder. “I saw Nat and Clint.” Phil hummed, gave a last pat to Loki’s shoulder and went to sit beside Thor. Thor told him about their conversation and the court date. Phil agreed that it would be good for Loki to have closure and be able to triumph over his nemesis, but that it was by no means certain that he would be up to it. They talked a little more, than Thor wished Phil goodnight and pulled his chair closer to the bed.  
  
He took Loki’s hand and looked into his unseeing eyes. Wherever his brother was, he hoped he at least felt safe. “Hello, little brother.” Thor said softly. “I hope you had a good evening with Phil.” He paused for a reply that didn’t come and then resumed. “I saw Nat and Clint this evening and a whole lot of officers that I never met before. They all want you to get better.” He sighed and closed his eyes firmly, feeling two tears track down his cheeks. “Please get better.” he whispered, choking on the words.  
  
Thor gently lay Loki down on the bed in a sleeping position, then sat in his own chair. He put his head on the bed at about the height of his brother’s middle, took his left hand in his own right and fell asleep.


	13. Brother are you in there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: all characters belong to Marvel.

Loki’s world had become very small. He didn’t know how much time he had spent in this tiny universe: it could be hours or days. The landscape was an even grey without any distinction between the ground and the horizon and there was no temperature or sound to speak of.  
  
He felt like he was missing something though, something that had been a part of him until very recently. It was driving him crazy that he couldn’t place his finger on the feeling. The place would have been peaceful if not for the anxiety that hounded him and the little voice saying he was forgetting something important.  
  
Loki had walked around, but the landscape never changed: everywhere he looked and went, there was grey. The walking itself was strange too: his body wanted to favor one of his legs, expecting pain when he put it down, but he was unable to find a mark on it that would explain why. There seemed to be nothing wrong with it and when he tried he found that he could walk normally.  
  
When he got tired of moving around he sat down again. He dozed, but every time he was about to really fall asleep, there was a flash of something that passed nearly too fast for him to recognize. The feeling of dread that came with it was enough to send him back onto his feet in an attempt to stave of sleep.  
  
This cycle was repeated countless times until he was too tired to fight his heavy eyelids. He sprawled bonelessly on the ground and took a deep breath to prepare himself. As soon as he got beyond the dozing the nightmare images returned with a vengeance.  
  
He looked at himself from a distance as he lay bound on a table, suffering abuse from a man that should have saved him. He hugged himself as the other Loki cried out in pain and felt it echoed in his own body. He ran over to try and stop the man, but his hands passed through him as if he wasn’t even there.  
  
It wasn’t fair, he thought as tears tracked down his cheeks, he shouldn’t suffer like that. Nobody should suffer like that. Yet he was as helpless to stop it now as he had been when he had been bound to the table.  
  
He woke remembering everything and still crying. He cried until he feared that he would dehydrate himself and then remembered where he was and thought it was highly unlikely he would die of imagined tears. After he had cried himself out he let his thoughts drift for a moment. The crying had taken some of the edge of his grief, but the majority of it was still gripping his insides. The longer he thought about it however, the more his pain turned to anger. How dare Hammer do this to him and all the other boys? How dare he make Loki feel so conflicted about himself, make him into the weak, cowering thing that had been rescued by the police? He wanted to throw something to have an outlet for his anger, but there was nothing at hand. In the end he settled for screaming as loud and as long as he could.  
  
The screaming turned into a hacking cough and after a while he lay panting on his back looking at the grey. He didn’t like the grey anymore, or the silence. Why couldn’t he just be with Thor? They could go home and then he would be safe in his own room. He missed tv-nights with his brother and the dinners they had together. Had he not suffered enough that he now had to be locked away in this grey nothingness?  
  
He curled into a ball on his right side, hugging his knees to his chest. The only sound was his uneven breathing. It reminded him of being in the cottage, waiting for the inevitable return of his jailer. Loki curled tighter and let out a sob. He didn’t want to think about it so he forcibly turned his mind to something else: a way back to his brother and the real world.  
  
Loki was a little unsure about how he could achieve this. Unlike in some novels he had read, there was no sudden epiphany for him on the right course of action. Which meant he would have to figure it out himself. Loki was quite smart (he was one of the top students of his grade after all) and he decided to draw on that strength to get him out of here, wherever here may be.  
  
He started by concluding that since it was his mind that had brought him here, it would be logical that only he himself could get him back out. Also logical was that the fact that there was something other than his memories keeping him here: he had already relived those and nothing had changed afterwards.  
  
He thought deeper, trying to figure out what was at the core of his problem. Why had it taken him so long to talk about this, even with Thor whom he trusted completely? There had been fear, but fear of what? To relive everything? No, it was not something he had relished, but he knew that reliving those memories could not hurt him any more than the real thing had. No, what he had really been afraid of, what even now sent a spike of dread through him, was that his brother and friends wouldn’t love him anymore. The possibility that they would think him weak, used and disgusting.  
  
Ah, there was his epiphany: he feared that he had become exactly what Justin Hammer had said he was: a little whore, not good for anything but what he had done to him. The blows and cuts had hurt his body, but the real damage was to his spirit. Those wounds would still be there after the physical ones had mended.  
  
His shrink had said that full recovery would take many months, perhaps even years. Loki tried picturing himself trapped in this grey nothingness for all that time and felt like wailing at the mere possibility. There simply had to be another solution.  
  
Maybe he should try tackling one part of the problem at a time. It seemed to him like he was caught up on two things. First of all he was afraid that he had become some weak, disgusting thing that couldn’t claim any place in the world. Loki hadn’t really been vain before he was taken, but he recognized that social interaction went a lot easier when you were of above average beauty. Apparently it also made you a better target for loathsome serial killers. He knew he would now doubt the motives of people he didn’t know when they would come up to him. His faith in his fellow human beings had shrunk severely along with his faith in his ability to take care of himself in hostile situations. All the tips Thor had given him over the years had not availed him when faced with a really dangerous situation. Loki sighed as he realized that this was not something he could overcome in a few hours. Worse than that: he would not be able to overcome it without evidence that there were more good people than bad ones out there. And that evidence would only settle into his subconsciousness through experiencing it in human interactions, something that he had quite a shortage of here.  
  
Secondly there was the fear that because of this first point, no-one would be able to love him anymore. Certainly not his brother who had seen all the things done to him played out in the scars on his body. Maybe if he figured out what he could do to make Thor love him again...  
  
It seemed to him then that he could hear his brother’s deep voice, urging him to get better. And just like that he knew the solution to his problem: there was no problem to begin with. Thor had been with him through everything since the beginning of Loki’s memories. They had played mischief together, even though Thor was older and should have known better than to let his little brother get him into so much trouble. They had asked each other for advice with personal problems and neither had ever denied the other anything that was within their power to give. And when their parents had died, Thor had asked to get custody over Loki, even though he had only recently joined the force and would have to juggle his job with the raising of his brother.  
  
There was no problem because there was nothing Loki could do to make Thor stop loving him. Why then should being the victim in this case (something Loki could not have helped prevent from happening even if he desperately wanted it) make Thor love him less? He put his head in his hands when he felt more tears coming, but he didn’t try to stop them. They were tears of happiness and that feeling had been absent in his life for what felt like way too long.  
  
He felt better afterwards, a lot of the tension bleeding out of him with the realization that whatever else happened, Thor would be there for him. He sniffed a few times more before he scrubbed the tears from his eyes. Raising his head, he blinked down at himself, now sitting once again in the familiar hospital bed. All the aches in his body had come back as well, though not as sharp as he remembered them.  
  
A soft snore pulled his attention downward, smothering laughter as he saw that Thor had fallen asleep with his head on the bed and the rest of his big body slumped awkwardly in a chair. It couldn’t possibly be even remotely comfortable so Loki decided to take pity on his brother and reached down a hand to gently push a shoulder. He was forced to lean back as Thor came alive with a jerking movement, only to freeze as his eyes found those of his little brother.  
  
Loki smiled at him before breaking the silence with a whispered “Hey.”  
  
Thor shook himself, sending his already sleep-mussed hair into further disarray. “Hey, yourself.” He replied with obvious relief.  
  
“How long was I out?”  
  
“Nearly nine days. You scared the hell out of me, you know.”  
  
Loki blushed and looked down, although the tone made it clear that it was meant teasingly instead of as an admonishment. “Sorry.”  
  
“Don’t be.” Thor took his hand and squeezed it gently, “Doctors said you needed time to sort some stuff out. It’s not your fault that I’m impatient. Besides: it gave your other hurts time to heal while you didn’t need to experience the pain that came from that. I’d call that a plus.”  
  
Loki hummed in agreement as he slowly tried to move to see what was still painful. His leg obviously still pained him, but the other wounds seemed to have come along rather nicely.  
  
Thor followed every movement. “They didn’t want to let you go while you were unresponsive, but now that you’re with us again, I think they’ll let you go home before long.”  
  
“That would be great.” Loki sighed. “I think I’ll feel much more comfortable in a familiar setting and knowing that you’ll sleep in an actual bed once in a while.”  
  
Thor laughed and made a bit of a show stretching his sore muscles out. “A little stiffness never killed anyone.” He glanced at his watch, “It’s nearly time for breakfast. Would you like me to go and see if they’ll bring yours earlier?”  
  
Loki was about to say that he shouldn’t bother, but his stomach betrayed him before he could get the words out, grumbling loudly. He blushed again as Thor grinned and got up to look around the hall for a nurse. Loki took in the rest of the room while he was gone: there were fresh flowers on the table and more ‘get well’ cards than he could count. He growled against the little voice that tried to convince him that someone like him didn’t deserve those things. He decided that if there were people who thought he was worth sending them, he should trust in their instincts, since they were probably better than his own at the moment. Curious, he slowly glided out of the bed and made his way over to read them while holding on to the edge of the bed to avoid putting weight on his injured thigh.  
  
He didn’t recognize all off the names on the cards, but he found some of Thor’s colleagues and his classmates. The big one with the million balloons on it he knew to be from Amora and Sigyn before having to look at the signatures.  
  
He was picking up another one when Thor came back, bearing a tray. He made a little room on the table to put it and pulled up a second chair to sit next to Loki while he ate. There was bread with marmalade, sparkling water in a bottle, a cup of yoghurt and an apple. Loki fell on it as if he hadn’t seen food in a week, which was more or less the truth since he had not been aware of being fed while he had withdrawn into himself. He raised an eyebrow at Thor, but his brother merely shook his head and explained he would eat later when Phil usually dropped by before his shift to bring him breakfast.  
  
So Loki ate and Thor talked about the cards. Apparently, some were from the parents of the other victims while others were from total strangers who had been moved by the story that had been spread broadly all over the news. Thor plucked one out that had touched him in particular and read it to him. “We wish to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for testifying. It must have been immensely painful and for that we are sorry, but you cannot imagine how much it means to us to know what happened to our beloved child. We hope you will make a full recovery and that justice will be served for both our families. All our best, Patrick and Jean Rodney.”  
  
Loki was silent while Thor placed the card back, drawing lines into the yoghurt with his spoon. “When is the court date?” he asked finally.  
  
“Two weeks from now.” Thor said, “We did everything by the book on this one, so there’s no possibility on him coming off because of technicalities.”  
  
Loki nodded, feeling his stomach starting to cramp. Surely they didn’t expect him to show up for it. They had his statement on tape, they could just play that. He didn’t think he could be in the same room as Hammer again. He could already imagine the smirks that would be thrown his way while he was being cross-examined, how Hammer would get off seeing him squirming in his seat...  
  
He pushed the yoghurt away, fighting to keep another panic-attack at bay. Thor immediately pulled him into a hug, muttering nonsensical yet soothing things in his ear until the fit passed.  When his breathing was steady again, Thor pushed gently on his upper-arms until he could look into his eyes.  
  
“Nobody is going to force you into doing something you don’t feel comfortable with.” He stated.  
  
“But Natasha...” Loki protested.  
  
“She gets a little carried away at times.” Thor sighed, “I’ll tell her you’re not ready. We have enough evidence to put him away for several lifetimes without running the risk of causing you  
a mental breakdown.” He hugged him again and Loki felt his muscles relax. “All you have to do is get better.”  
  
Loki stayed in Thor’s arms a few moments more before pulling back. He reached for the yoghurt once more, but stopped himself with the spoon halfway to his mouth. He turned his head to look at Thor and couldn’t stop a teasing remark. “Does that mean I don’t have to go to school anymore either?”  
  
“Imp!” Thor laughed as he gave the lightest of pushes against Loki’s shoulder with his fist. Loki just shot him another grin before finally finishing his breakfast.


	14. Home at last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: all characters belong to Marvel.

Loki heaved a deep sigh when he was finally dressed in his own clothes again. They felt a lot more comfortable than the hospital garments he had worn the past few weeks and there was the added bonus of covering up all those wounds so that he didn’t have to be seen as an invalid by everyone. His bag was packed and as soon as Thor finished the paperwork of the discharge, they could head home.  
  
The day Loki had woken up, both his doctor and his shrink had come to see him. Doctor Blake had declared himself happy with the state of his injuries. Further healing could be done at home as long as he came in every week for his check-ups. The psychiatrist had been less positive, though Loki couldn’t fault him, seeing as how he had just spent the last 9 days in his own head. Still, he was willing to let him go home, provided that he came three times a week for his sessions and that he called if something came up that he couldn’t handle himself.  
  
They hadn’t told anyone in the apartment complex where they lived that Loki would be coming home today. They were friendly with the neighbors, but not so close as to constantly go visiting each other. Thor wanted to get Loki settled before having to deal with all the well-meant but overbearing attention he would surely receive. People coming into his personal space still tended to make him skittish.  
  
That plan lasted until they parked in the garage and ran into a couple from their floor in the elevator. Although the hospital staff had given him a cane to walk with so that he didn’t strain his thigh, Thor had decided the walk would be too long and had picked him up to carry him bridal-style from the car to their apartment. The elevator made a stop at the ground floor, letting two more people in. He could feel Thor’s soft despairing moan through his chest as the woman gave a squeal and then nearly launched herself at them.  
  
“Loki! Oh my gosh, it’s so good to see you!” she babbled, reaching out a hand to place on him. Loki, who hadn’t been touched in an unprofessional way by anyone but Thor for the last three weeks, found himself panicking and nearly scrambling up on his brother’s shoulders as if he were a cat and could so escape the unwanted attention. He knew the couple (Melly and Paul who lived across the hall from them) and they were always nice to Thor and him, but the mere thought of being touched was too much.  
  
Thor grunted as Loki shifted his weight and then put him down where he could lean on the rail that ran around the side of the carriage. He also conveniently used this to place himself between Loki and the others. “Melly, Paul.” He greeted them, smile wide and just the tiniest bit strained. “I’m afraid Loki is still a bit too delicate for touching at the moment.”  
  
“Of course,’ Paul said with a nod, “It’s just that we’re so thrilled he is well enough to be home again.” He gave Loki a smile from over Thor’s shoulder and he tried his best to return it, but it didn’t feel quite natural to him with his heart still pounding in his chest. He hoped it didn’t show too much.  
  
Melly chattered the rest of the way up and would have gone with them to their front-door if Paul hadn’t gently taken her by the sleeve of her coat and coaxed her toward their own apartment. Thor pulled Loki’s arm over his shoulder, supporting him as they walked (hopped in Loki’s case) to their front-door. Loki let out a deep sigh of relief after Thor had opened the door and gently let him down on the couch. He was glad he had let his brother carry him if he was going to be this tired from just standing up in the elevator.  
  
His physiotherapist had given him a set of exercises to build up his muscle strength again and he would follow them religiously. He didn’t like having to bother Thor for every small thing. It reminded him of that little voice that so often whispered to him. Things like weak and useless. He bit his lower lip and though back hard Not true. Most of the times he managed to believe it, but sometimes it felt like he was just wishing it to not be true.  
  
“Do you want something to drink or eat?” Thor asked from the kitchen. Loki heard him open the fridge and dig around in it. It must be pretty empty with Thor always in the hospital sitting by his bed. Not much time for shopping there.  
  
“No, thank you.” He called back. He was sleepier than hungry or thirsty anyway. His eyes lid closed and he let his mind drift, taking in the familiar smells and sounds of Home. He doesn’t want to leave here anymore, not to go to the shop or his doctor’s appointments or school. He’ll just stay here on the couch for the rest of his life and be content.  
  
His daze is rudely shattered by the ringing of the doorbell. Thor comes out of the kitchen, setting his water bottle on the table in passing and moves into the tiny hall to open the door. Loki cocks his head to the side to better hear who it is.  
  
“Miss Woods.” He heard Thor say. Another neighbor then, from the flat beside Melly’s. Miss Woods was an elderly lady, one of those that seemed to be present in every block: widowed, always aware of the latest gossip and armed with excellent baking whenever anyone dropped by or she went to visit.  
  
“Good morning, Thor.” She greeted his brother. “I ran into Melly a few moments ago and she said Loki is home. And I thought that called for pie, even if it is only 11 in the morning.”  
  
“Ah, uhm, that’s very kind of you, Miss.” Loki felt the corners of his mind quirk up as he imagined Thor trying to politely fend of the visit. “Loki is still not quite well though and the move exhausted him...” Poor Thor, maybe he should take pity on him and just go stand in the hall for half an hour and get it all over with in one go.  
  
“Oh, that’s quite fine, deary.” She said and Loki could just see her patting Thor’s forearm consolingly, “I’ll just come back another time then. You make sure he gets loads of rest now and if there’s anything you be needing, don’t hesitate to ask.”  
Thor thanked her and then closed the door before coming back into the living room and taking a seat next to his brother. Loki cracked an eye open, gliding it over his brother and the plate of pie he still held. It was his favorite: cheesecake with white chocolate and blueberries and nearly enough to rouse his from his lethargic state.  
  
Thor sighed: “So much for our peaceful first day back. If both Melly and Miss Woods know you’re here, the whole block will be buzzing with the news shortly.” He leaned forward to put the cake on the table and take a swig from the water bottle. “You should probably know that you’re something of a celebrity right now.” He warned. “The media has been all over this story and they’ve dubbed you The Boy Who Lived.”  
  
Loki felt his nose scrunch up in distaste. He didn’t want any attention: he wanted to be left alone. The idea of having reporters come up to him to ask his for his side of the story freaked him out. Thor must have seen it, because he placed a soothing hand on his leg. “Don’t worry, the police issued a statement that said you would not be giving any interviews at least until the court case is over. That buys us time to think how we will handle all that stuff later.”  
  
The rest of the day passed that way: frequent callers at the door that Thor would then have to go and get rid off. The gifts of food quickly took over their fridge and this was something they were both grateful for: Loki because it meant less work for Thor and Thor himself because that meant he wouldn’t have to leave Loki alone to answer the door when he was out doing the grocery shopping.  
  
Loki did come to the hall to greet Amora and Sigyn, less reserved with them because they were both smaller and frailer than he himself was and did not remind him of Hammer. He had missed his friends and enjoyed talking to them, thanking them for the card they had sent. It helped too that they knew him well enough to see that they should keep their distance for the moment instead of jumping on him and hugging him like they would have otherwise.  
  
When they were gone again, he turned to Thor with something akin to wonder in his eyes. “They think I’m strong.” He said, unable to believe it himself.  
  
“You are strong.” Thor insisted, “You may think you’re a mess now, brother, but I’ve been a policeman for quite some time and I’ve seen a whole lot worse in victims.”  
  
“I..” Loki started, not quite sure what he wanted to say. “I just feel so useless.” He then confided. Thor’s strong arms pulled him against his chest and he hummed. Loki put his head against him to feel the vibrations of it.  
  
“You are not useless. You were simply overpowered. It could happen to anyone, even the best of fighters are outmatched when someone points a gun at them. And the man with the gun is outclassed by someone with a bigger gun. I know it’s a scary thought, Loki, but there’s always someone stronger. That does not mean you are useless or weak. It merely means that your strength lies in another area than the physical.”  
  
Thor sighed and his voice turned bitter as he continued: “In fact, if anyone is weak, it is me. I had the tools to make this right and I just couldn’t see what was happening right under my nose. I failed you, I failed all those boys before you. I’d call that being pretty useless.”  
  
Loki turned his head to look up at his brother so quickly that some of his wounds pulled a little. “You can’t possibly think you’re useless after you’ve saved me and then spent the last couple of weeks making sure no-one bothered me and that I had everything I could possibly need and more!” But one look in Thor’s eyes was enough to show him that was exactly what his older brother felt.  
  
It was one thing for Loki to be affected by what had happened to him, but until non he hadn’t thought (and that was rather selfish of him) what this could have done to Thor. Perhaps the reason why Thor had been so fast to take up all his leave was not just to take care of Loki, but also because he thought he wasn’t a good cop anymore. No, no that would not do at all. He felt himself get angry at Hammer all over again, but also protective of his older brother. Hammer could have one of them, but not both.  
  
“I’ll make you a deal.” Loki said, locking eyes with Thor to make sure he had his attention. His older brother raised an eyebrow in question, looking more curious than upset, making Loki think that this was the right thing to do. “We’re both going to be useful in this case. You’re going to help your colleagues push charges and I...” he swallowed hard but promised himself this would be worth it, if only to get Thor to believe in himself again “I will stand up to him and testify.”


	15. Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: all characters belong to Marvel.

Although Thor had agreed to their deal, he refused to go to work. Instead some or all of his unit (and the state lawyers who were assigned to the case) came over to their place and spent hours discussing strategy and laws.  
  
They helped them eat the great amount of food that Thor and Loki had collected from their neighbours (after having added to it first) as well. It seemed to do his brother a world of good to actively help in the case and be among his friends again.  
  
Loki spent a lot of time in his room, trying to make a dent in the pile of homework to take his mind off his memories. He always greeted everyone who arrived, but found the presence of so many people in their home a bit overwhelming. None of them seemed to mind: they smiled in greeting, asked about his wellfare and didn’t push for more than he was willing to give. Some of them he knew from the hospital, others he met for the first time, like the lawyers and the lab-workers Tony and Bruce.  
  
He did come and sit with them when the topic of his own testimony came up. Phil, Nat and Thor sat together on one side of the table, with the two prosecutors on the other side. Loki had drawn up a chair at the head of the table since this gave him the opportunity to flee if anyone made a threatening move towards him. He knew he was being paranoid, but some days those feelings were far too present to just push away and ignore.  
  
The lawyers were a man called Matt in his late thirties and a woman by the name of Laurie who seemed old enough to be his mother. She had a very calming aura about her, while he was more focused but they both had a lot of experience in their jobs. Matt was explaining to Loki that he could testify from another room if the idea of being too close to Hammer made him uncomfortable.  
  
“You would be put in a specially equiped room and speak in front of a camera while a screen would show you what happened in the courtroom.” He explained. “It will take away some of the impact you could have on the judge and jury, though.”  
  
“Hush,” his collegue interrupted him. She gave Loki a smile and a nod. “We have enough to have him convicted for 12 counts of kidnapping, rape and battery and a further 11 counts of voluntary manslaughter. You could choose not to testify at all and he still would never get to see the outside world again after we get him locked up. I admire the fact that you are willing to come and repeat your statement in court, especially since we can’t stop his lawyer from cross-examining you.”  
  
“I know it’s faster said then done,” Matt said, seemingly eager to make up for his earlier statement. “but you musn’t take anything his defense says personal. In most rape trials, they try to make a case in which they make it look like the victim was asking for it. Load of crap if you’ll pardon my french, but they’re defenitely going to try to make you seem emotionally unstable and that’s one of the fastest ways to do it.”  
  
Loki starts getting worse after that conversation. Whatever mental stability he managed to scrounge up somewhere seems to be utterly gone. He gets cagey and his moods swing wildly. He tries to hide it fromThor, not wanting to make him worry or pull him down with him. It’s a moot point when he wakes up from a nightmare about being tied up screaming and with the smell of his own burnt flesh in his nostrils. Thor is there a moment later, dishevelled and wide-eyed, pulling Loki into his arms and rocking him. Loki cried on his shoulder for what felt like hours before he felt good enough to relinquish his place in Thor’s arms and pulled back to swipe at his eyes with a hand.  
  
“I’m going to get you some tea, alright?” Thor said and Loki nodded, because something warm would be great. He followed Thor as he went to the kitchen, but stopped in the livingroom and sank onto the sofa. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, listening to the clattering of mugs and spoons. After a while, the cushion beneath him dipped some more and Thor said: “Here you go. “ as he handed over a steaming cup.  
  
Loki sipped at it gratefully, feeling the warmth of the tea sink into his stomach and curl around his spine, relaxing his tensed muscles. “Thanks.” He said with a little smile.  
  
Thor played with his own mug for a while. Loki recognized the behaviour: his brother wanted to broach a subject he didn’t think would be well-received. A deep breath later and his older brother found the courage to start. “Loki...” he said, only to let the rest of the sentence remain unspoken. “I don’t..” he made a frustrated sound at being unable to find the right wording. “I think you should consider not testifying.” He blurted out. “It’s obviously not doing you any good: you’re stressed and panicking and you don’t sleep well. Nothing is worth putting your recovery at risk like this.”  
  
Loki didn’t know what to say to that. He obviously hadn’t hidden his feelings as well as he thought he had. It fugered, he thought, that the one way in which he could make himself usefull, that would give him worth again, was the one thing that he couldn’t stand doing. _Useless_ his thoughts sang to him. He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to cry again, but really, what else was there to do?  
  
Thor pulled him into his arms again as the first tear made it’s way down his cheek. Useless and weak and it would never change, oh gods, he was going to spend the rest of his life being like this and burdening Thor. If only he had died, then he wouldn’t have to feel like this and Thor could grieve and move on.  
  
It wasn’t the first time he had those thoughts and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last time either. He knew he would have to call his psychiatrist tomorrow to talk it through since dwelling on them too long made them seem dangerously attractive. He finished his tea and then curled up against his brother’s side where he felt safe enough to drift back into sleep.  
  
He woke up back in his own bed the next day, the sun already high above the horizon and shining into his eyes. He could hear the soft voices of Thor and Phil coming from the living area. Rather than join them, he went to his desk where he kept the number of his shrink and placed a call. The man calmly listened to everything he had to say and let the line go quiet for a few moments before replying.  
  
“I know it doesn’t feel that way, Loki, but all those emotions are perfectly normal reactions. I think you know yourself that this situation is placing a large amoutn of pressure on you. It’s important to keep in mind that no-one will be mad at you for not testifying. If they do get mad, it’s because they don’t understand that the primary concern in this should be your good helath and not adding drama to a court-case.”  
  
“But I promised Thor...” Loki started, but the other’s voice interrupted him.  
  
“Do you think that your brother would be happier if you kept your promise, or if you got better?”  
  
Loki sighed, feeling some of the tension that had taken up residence in his back the last week dissipate. He knew this of course, but it helped to have someone bluntly state it.  
  
His shrink went on. “If you wanted you could make a list with the pros and cons of going to that trial. You would have to be very honest with yourself though and list the negative influences on your mental health as well. If you still think you should testify after seeing the outcome of that excersice, you’ll be prepared.”  
  
Loki perked up at the idea. Lists were great he had learned: it gave him the possibility of looking at a situation from different angles and without getting stuck on just emotions. “Thanks, doc, that’s good idea.”  
  
“Glad I could be of assistance.” Came the reply. Loki hung up after they had confirmed their meeting for the next day. He stayed at his desk, opening a drawer to pull out a notebook and divided the page in two columns which he then started to fill.  
  
He was putting the finishing touches on his list when there was a knock on his door and Thor called : “Loki, do you want to come and eat with Phil and me?”  
  
“Coming!” Loki called back. He rather liked Phil and had even met him a few times before all of this began. Eating lunch with just Thor and Phil wouldn’t phase him. He stood up and went to the living area where Phil was just placing the last few sandwich ingredients on the table. “Hi.”  
  
“Hello, Loki.” Phil greeted back, “How are you doing today?”  
  
Loki waited until Thor was seated to answer him. “I’m better. I called my shrink this morning and he gave me a way to deal with all the stress.”  
  
“Really?” Thor said, sounding pleased as he put some cheese and vegetables on one half of his sandwich and a whole lot of mayonnaise on the other. Loki made a face at the artery-clogging thing his brother bit into with relish and purposefully smeared only a thin film on his own to the amusement of their dinnerguest.  
  
“He told me to make a list of why I should and should not testify.” Loki explained. “So far the list of negatives is longer, but I think the positives weigh more heavily on the final conclusion.”  
  
“And what is the final conclusion?” Phil asked, managing to make it sound like he only asked out of interest in Loki and not because the defence would love for him to testify.  
  
“I don’t know yet,” Loki admitted. He looked at Thor and said in a slightly softer voice “I hoped you wouldn’t mind looking the list over. I’m not the most reliable source on my own reactions anymore so...”  
  
“Of course,” his brother said with a smile. “We could do it now if you want.”  
  
Loki took another bite of his sandwich while he pondered this, then hopped of his chair and retrieved the paper from his desk, handing it over when he got back. Thor hummed while he looked the columns over, eyebrows expressing surprise over some of the things Loki had written and near-dismay over others. Loki sucked on his lips and played with the sandwich on his plate without eating any of it.  
  
“You really think the positives should weigh heavier than some of these negatives?” Thor asked, his food equally forgotten.  
  
“Yes.” Loki responded, trying to not let his voice waver nervously. Keeping his promise to Thor was _very_ important to him, more important than having a _possible_ new mental breakdown. “I mean a lot of the negatives will be much easier to deal with if I prove to myself that I can do this.”  
  
Thor sighed, making Loki duck his head. “I understand that you want to do this, even with the possible risks.” His older brother said, reaching out a hand to take his own and squeeze comfortingly. “I just want to make sure you do it for the right reason, and that’s not being guilty over breaking a promise that’s harmful for your health.”  
  
“But it’s not just that!” Loki protested. “I know that you all think I’m so strong and brave, but that’s not how I feel. I’m scared, Thor. I’m scared nearly every minute of every day and I can’t live like this. This trial, me going up to the stand and testifying, despite the fact that I could have a panic-attack, that could make me believe in myself again. If there’s even a remote possibility of taking my life back in my own hands, I need to grab it.” He looked his brother in the eye and pleaded. “I can’t keep living the way I am now: too scared to go out or be around strangers. It’ll destroy me.”  
  
Thor’s eyes were brimming with tears at his confession and this time he pulled his brother into his arms as much to comfort himself as Loki. Phil quietly disappaered to the kitchen, letting them have a moment. When Thor pulled back, his eyes were dry, but his voice was still choked. “We’ll make sure you have that chance, brother, I promise. It will be hard on you, but if you say this is something you need, then we’ll be by your side every step of the way.”  
  
“Thank you,” Loki breathed, hugging Thor again and feeling much calmer for the first time in nearly a week. Thor was right: it would be hard, but hopefully the reward would be worth it.


	16. On the precipice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel.

After Loki had made his list and decided he would testify, there was still a week to go until the day the trial started. Loki’s nerves were switching between unassailable and tense as a drawn bowstring with cycles that lasted hours or mere minutes. It was tiring, not only to himself, but to Thor as well since he tried his very best to cater to his little brother’s mood.  
  
Loki sat in on the strategy sessions twice more while the lawyers coached him on the questions they would ask and the answers he would give. He burst into tears at the end, when they demonstrated the sort of questions he could expect during the cross-exam. Thor lifted him from his chair, took him into his bedroom and shut the door while Loki sobbed and was barely able to suppress a panic-attack. He could tell by looking at his brother that he thought this testimony was not worth the things he went through now, but he didn’t try to make him change his mind.  
  
For his own part, Loki had to remind himself after each episode that if he went into hiding now, he would probably be doing so for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t go out anymore (not to shops, the library or even school) and avoid contact with other people as much as possible. He couldn’t back down: the rest of his life hinged on doing this.  
  
He called his shrink every other day and went to see him personally on the other days. He told Loki that he shouldn’t put everything he had on this one thing and think less of himself if he couldn’t do it. “You may feel like that now, but it isn’t true. Give yourself more time and you’ll come to see this.”  
  
But he didn’t have time: if he didn’t take his chance now, it would be gone forever. And he just couldn’t make himself believe that there would be other ways or occasions to convince himself he had use.  
  
The day the trial started, their house was quiet when Loki woke up. Thor would have been gone to court already, but Loki wasn’t expected until the following day. The police had decided to keep the most damning evidence for last, so that the jury would have it fresh in their minds when reaching a verdict.  
  
Loki got up and took a shower before dressing. He then went to find some breakfast and ate it sitting at the too-large dinner table. He stayed away from the television. Every program he put on would undoubtedly be interrupted with breaking newsflashes from outside the justice building. He turned on some of his music instead and tried his best to focus on more homework, with varying degrees of success.  
  
It was already dark outside by the time the door to their apartment was opened and Thor came in. His brother looked handsome and professional in his uniform (which he didn’t wear much when doing his actual job) and he smiled at his little brother in greeting.  
  
“Did you eat already?” he asked, closing the door behind him. When Loki shook his head, Thor grinned and removed his other arm from behind his body. Plastic bags dangled from his hand and the smell of Chinese take-away filled the room.  
  
“Are we celebrating?” Loki asked.  
  
“Maybe a little,” Thor agreed. “We did rather well, if I do say so myself.” He ducked into the kitchen to fetch some plates and Loki followed to get the silverware. “All the evidence we’ve presented so far has met its mark, the experts have held up under questioning and the jury seems to be on our side.”  
  
Loki hummed in satisfaction, taking his plate from Thor and seating himself at the table. They ate in silence for awhile, but he could tell from the slight rimpling of his brother’s brow that there was something Thor wasn’t saying.  
  
Thor hesitantly brought his point up when they had finished doing the washing up. He was hesitant about it, and kept his eyes on Loki’s own, ready to stop talking if it was obvious that he couldn’t handle it.  
  
“Natasha suggested that we both watch the news tonight.” He said, nearly apologetically. “She thinks we should try out your reaction to actually seeing Hammer in an environment where you feel safe.”  
  
Loki swallowed. His ears started to fill with white noise and he didn’t hear a word after Hammer’s name. He recognized the beginning of a panic-attack and forced his body to keep breathing. It wouldn’t do to break down at the mere mention of that name after all. _Think, it’s a good suggestion. It’s just the tv after all, it can’t hurt you. It might even help you prepare for tomorrow._ He refocused on Thor after only a minute or two. “Alright.” He said, managing a shaky smile to show his support of the idea.  
  
“Alright.” Thor nodded, “You take the remote so you can switch it of whenever you like.”  
  
Loki took a deep breath and nearly marched into the living room. Sitting on the sofa and waiting for Thor to settle in beside him before he pressed the button to turn the set on. His heart hammered in his chest a few moments before the image came on. Thor squeezed his hand rather harder than was comfortable.  
  
And then they both had to laugh when it turned out it wasn’t the news at all, but some silly soap-opera. “Ready?” Thor asked after their chuckles had died away.  
  
“As I’ll ever be.” Loki muttered, pointed the remote at the screen as if it weighed far heavier than it had any right to and changed the channel.  
  
The image turned black for a moment, then came back on with a news anchor that was babbling about some new law the president was trying to get through the parliament. They sat and listened for a few minutes while Loki felt his anticipation and stresslevel climbing. He concentrated on breathing evenly and kept doing it after the newswoman announced the next topic: the trial of serial killer Justin Hammer.  
  
The picture was thankfully of a reporter on the spot at the outside of the courthouse. She repeated what Thor had already mentioned: the first day had gone well for the police but everyone seemed to be focusing on Loki’s appearance tomorrow. The woman went on saying that Loki had spent 5 days caught in the killer’s lair and that his voice would have a lot of weight in this case. Then it was back to the studio.  
  
The left background now showed a picture of Hammer and when he first saw it, Loki felt like all the air had been punched out of him. He couldn’t tear his gaze away and his heart skipped a few beats before settling back down. It was obviously a picture taken from when the police had dragged him into a hospital since his face was set in a grimace of pain from the knee that Barton’s bullet had fractured. _Good_ a little voice inside Loki whispered _let him suffer a little for a change._ His eyes were still hard and cruel though, seeming to pierce right into Loki and mock him. He felt his body start to shake, breath coming in short pants and nearly jumped from the sofa as the sudden weight of Thor’s hand dropped on his shoulder.  
  
He tore his eyes from the screen toward the concerned face of his brother. He wanted to say he was alright, but his throat felt like it was squeezed shut and no sound could pass the constriction. It wouldn’t have been true anyway.  
  
The good thing was that he was too shocked for tears. So he went willingly into Thor’s arms and buried against strong muscles, waiting for his heart to calm and the shivering to subside. By then the news had ended and there was another show on. They watched it together without seeing much of anything and when the next news-session came on, Thor reached for the remote to change the channel.  
  
Loki surprised himself by batting it away. Thor didn’t comment, except to raise his eyebrow in an ‘are-you-sure’-gesture. Loki nodded and this time he did do a little better. He was still shaking the entire way through the item, but his breathing remained under relative control and he only had to look away for a few seconds. Finally, at the late night news, he could sit through the whole thing. He grinned at Thor as the latter laughed and squeezed him, but inside he knew that there was no cause for celebration.  
  
Yes, he had not cowered from Hammer, but he had been safely encircled by his brother’s arms and it was just a picture. He would probably have to hear his voice in the courtroom, see that lecherous leer as it was aimed at him. And there would be no Thor there to sit right next to him as a solid barrier between Loki and danger.  
  
“Do I have to answer him if he asks something?” Loki asked. Maybe if he could just ignore Hammer things wouldn’t be quite that bad.  
  
“Who? Justin?” Thor asked. “He’ll leave the talking to his lawyers if he’s smart. It’s them you need to answer, but only when they’re cross-examining you.” He checked his watch. “I think it’s time for bed. It wouldn’t do to arrive still sleepy tomorrow.”  
  
Loki chewed his lower lip. He didn’t think it would really matter when he was going to go to bed: he doubted he’d be able to sleep anyway. Unless... “Can I sleep with you tonight?” he asked, cheeks flushing at the mere thought of how childlike he must seem.  
  
He needn’t have worried though. Thor gave him a soft smile and said “Of course.” and that was that. Loki went to his room and put his pajamas on while Thor used the bathroom, then they switched in their familiar nighttime ritual. After brushing his teeth, Loki knocked on Thor’s door and entered when he got permission.  
  
Thor’s bed was up against the wall on one end and Loki slid into the space closest to it, leaving Thor with the side that had the bedside table on it. The bed was just as soft as his own and smelled comfortably like his brother. Loki snuggled down with a contented sigh, smiling as Thor put an arm around him.  
  
“Okay?” Thor asked.  
  
Loki hummed in agreement. The wall on one side and his brother on the other protected him sufficiently for his raw nerves to find some peace. It was still a good two hours before he fell asleep, but there were no nightmares. Surely that counted as a good sign for the trial?


	17. Do or do not (there is no try)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: all characters belong to Marvel.

“Loki?” a hand was shaking his shoulder. “Come on, little brother, time to get up.”  
  
He might have made a sound more akin to grumbling then actual human language, trying to get his brain into gear enough to understand what Thor wanted from him. Surely it wasn’t time for school yet?  
  
A soft chortle sounded from behind him and then Thor again. “I’m really glad you got some sleep, Loki, but if you don’t get up now, we’re going to be late for court.”  
  
Court.  
  
Damn.  
  
He shot up, fighting the blankets that had tangled around him during the night. “I’m up.” He said unnecessarily.  
  
Thor was already dressed in his costume as he stood over him. “I’ll get you some breakfast. Your suit is lying on your bed.” His brother paused a moment and then blurted out, as if he couldn’t help it: “It’s not too late to bail, you know.”  
  
Loki sucked in a deep breath, reminded himself of all the reasons he had to see this through and forced his numb limbs to cooperate. He slowly slid himself out of the bed. “Breakfast sounds like a little more than I can handle at the moment.” He caught the frown on Thor’s face and before his brother could interrupt he went on. “I promise I’ll eat after court, but if I do it now, I’m probably going to be sick all over the judge.”  
  
Thor swallowed his protests and nodded. “I’ll be in the living room then.”  
  
Loki nodded, lifted himself from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom to get a shower. He turned on the spray, stripped off his nightclothes and stood under the hot water for quite some time. The cold knot of dread in his stomach rolled and churned as he leaned his forehead against the tiles. Washing still needed to be done gently, some of the wounds remained tender and stinging. He avoided looking into the mirror as he came out even if it hung full of condensation.  
  
He wasn’t going to survive that courtroom, he suddenly thought, panic shooting through him. They would all look at him and see him for the worthless, used thing he was when he had told his story. Bile rose in his throat and he manfully swallowed it back down. He needed someone with him to comfort him, but he had to take the stand alone. If only they would allow Thor to sit next to him...  
  
He took a step to sit down on the toilet, panting as he tried to figure out a solution. Something in his peripheral vision caught his attention and he turned his head to find the laundry basket. On top of it was the lightgreen shirt his brother had worn with his suit yesterday. He stood up and walked over to it, picking the soft piece of fabric up. It wasn’t dirty but it did smell like Thor. And it would fit his own suit well enough, since he wouldn’t be wearing a tie that could clash with it.  
  
Taking the shirt with him to his own bedroom (that lay on the other side of the bathroom), Loki pulled it on. It was too big on him of course, but with the jacket on over it, that fact was largely concealed. He buttoned it all the way up so the burn on his throat wouldn’t show past the collar. Only then did he return to the bathroom to comb his hair and rinse his mouth to get rid of the taste of bile.  
  
Thor lifted an eyebrow at seeing Loki in his shirt, but didn’t say anything about it. Loki felt another wash of gratitude for Thor, who knew him well enough to even now know when he needed to say things and when saying things would make everything worse.  
  
The police had worked out a plan to keep Loki away from the media as much as possible until the trial was over. To this end, they had decided that even though his testimony was planned for that afternoon, Loki and Thor would be picked up at the back-entrance to their apartment in an unmarked policecar and driven from there to the back-entrance of the court building. Loki would stay in a room reserved for him, where he could be left with his brother until it was time for him to take the stand.  
  
The operation went off without a hitch and Loki found himself sitting in a small, impersonal room without windows a half an hour after they had left the apartment. He had brought a book with him to while away the time, but found himself unable to concentrate on it. His mind kept bringing up all kind of doom-scenario’s from him running screaming from the courtroom as soon as someone looked at him to Hammer being exonerated and laughing at Loki as he promised to visit him soon.  
  
Thor slipped out a few times to see who was present on the case today, coming back to describe everything to his brother. Loki found that it helped to know little things like that: it felt less like the room he would enter was uncharted territory. He hadn’t really gone out after his ordeal and handling new situations and people left him nervous. Their own lawyers were present, but he had met them already so they were alright. There was one lawyer representing Hammer: a short, stocky fellow who had entered the room looking defeated already but still tried his best for his client.  
  
There were some members of the press, seated on the opposite side of where Loki would enter, snapping an occasional picture. Thor likened them to vultures waiting on their main course. Loki had to snicker at the mental image this presented, hoping it would help him when they came face to face.  
  
All the agents from Thor’s unit were present and so, of course, was Justin Hammer. According to Thor the man even had the gal to look bored with the proceedings, doodling on some paper in front of him and ignoring the evil glares he got from his ex-colleagues. Loki knew better than to put much stock in what Hammer’s expression seemed to say about his intentions. The man had smiled at him before pressing red-glowing pokers against his skin after all.  
  
When noon came around, Thor again offered to get him some food, but Loki quickly shook his head. Thor looked like he couldn’t have eaten anything either and for the remainder of the wait, they simply sat next to each other in silence, shoulders and sides touching.  
  
The door opened shortly after when an officer came to collect them. Loki gulped and felt all his thoughts clamor for attention at the same moment, only being saved from (yet another) panic attack by feeling his brother’s arms around him, squeezing tightly.  
  
“I’m okay,” he managed to say after just a few seconds. Thor steered him out after the court servant who opened the door to the hearing room. Flashes started going of as the press tried to get the best shot they could for their evening news. Only the videocamera of the court was allowed inside to make recordings, but photomaterial apparently wasn’t banned.  
  
Loki shuddered, keeping his eyes down, feeling Thor squeeze his shoulders before he left them to take his place on the bench beside Steve. Loki kept moving until he stood in front of the clerk and was sworn in, his voice trembling slightly as he avowed to speak the truth.  
  
He settled into the chair reserved for witnesses, keeping his eyes on the side of the courtroom that Thor had told him held all the ‘friendly’ parties. He locked gazes with his brother for a moment, using Thor’s grave expression to center himself.  
  
The judge told everyone to settle back down, the flashes from the cameras stopped and the leading lawyer from the prosecution came over to start with the questions they had gone over before. Loki did his best to answer evenly, well aware of all the eyes that were turned his way. He got a little teary when asked to tell about the rape and the last night he had spent in the cottage, but he thought that overall it went rather well.  
  
It was only when Laurie said “No further questions, Your Honor.” that his pulse started to go up until his heart was pounding painfully loud in his ears. He watched as the judge asked the lawyer for the defense (Master Jenkins he was called) if he had any questions.  
  
The little man replied in the affirmative, rustled through his papers and approached Loki, who felt his breath grow shorter and his nails dig into his palms nearly to the point of cutting open his skin.  
  
“Mister Odinson,” Master Jenkins said in greeting. Loki nodded at him, not thrusting his voice to be able to pass through the heavy lump of anxiety in his throat. “May I start by asking if you recognize the person that has assaulted you in this court?”  
  
Loki frowned a little: surely this was plain as day and needed no further clarifying. Hammer sat right there in the chair of the accused. From the corner of his eyes he saw Matt and Laurie whispering furiously together, trying to see what angle their opponent was working.  
  
“Mister Odinson?” Jenkins asked, raising an eyebrow lightly, “Is the person that abused you present here?”  
  
Loki couldn’t afford not to answer him, it would weaken his testimony. Somewhere inside him a sudden inkling popped up: Jenkins wanted to throw him off, wanted to make him more vulnerable by forcing him to acknowledge Hammer. He took a deep breath and managed to croak out a “Yes.”  
  
“Alright,” Jenkins said, still seemingly gentle and only concerned for the wellness of the person he was questioning. “Could you please point him out to the Court?”  
  
And Loki should. He should look Justin straight in the eye and level a condemning finger at him. But he knew he had only kept himself together because Hammer had stayed silent and because he himself had not looked at him directly. All his pleading to let him do what he could in this case and it would all be for naught because he just couldn’t stand to look his tormentor in the eye.  
  
He could hear Matt stand up and say “Objection!”, saw Jenkins turn from him to face the judge and argue that Loki’s testimony could not be trusted if they could not be sure that he recognized his attacker in Mister Hammer. Their debate took place at the edge of his hearing and Loki closed his eyes and breathed. He could feel the low-level panic that had been plaguing him all day flare into something far less manageable. He needed to get it through to his brain that he wasn’t in any immediate danger before he started hyperventilating.  
  
Hammer couldn’t touch him: there were at least 10 cops in the room and two desks in between them. All the power Hammer had over him was mental, but therefore no less real. This was the point he had been waiting for, the point where he could take back his life or forever wallow in pity and self-doubt.  
  
He wanted to be Loki and not a wimp that never got over what had happened to him. The simple fact that it had happened at all wasn’t fair, and he focused on that to get angry. Angry people had more courage he had found and that was something he needed desperately now. _Just look at him_ , he hissed angrily to the part of him that wanted to crawl under the desk to escape notice. _Look at him and let him see that he hasn’t won_ He bit his lower lip, looking up through his lashes. _Look at him and show him that **he** ’s the worthless one._  
  
He squashed down on the little voice that told him to keep still, to keep quiet, to not attract attention and forced the muscles in his arm to move just as the judge said “Overruled, Mister Odinson, please point out the person in question.”  
  
And by then he had opened his eyes, focused them on Hammer’s surprised ones and pointed him right between the eyes. He nearly didn’t recognize his own voice when he said, low and convinced. “Him.”  
  
Master Jenkins seemed surprised as well because it took him awhile to get to the next question. There was a pleased murmur coming from Thor’s side of the room but Loki ignored in favor of keeping his breath in a controlled pattern. His heart was leaping in his chest and the little voice in his mind was still screaming in terror.  
  
Jenkins cleared his throat and then continued. “You had met my client before he supposedly kidnapped you?”  
  
“Yes,” Loki said, arm lowered back to his side and ignoring the ‘supposedly’.  
  
“Do you remember if you did anything to show special interest in him?” Jenkins asked, “Smiled at him, maybe flirted with him. It would be quite normal at your age, after all.”  
  
Loki’s mind recoiled in horror at the thought of having been overtly friendly towards Hammer and thus bringing this all onto himself. _He called you a whore; what if he was right? What did I do or say to him?_ Nothing, his memories informed him, he had done nothing more and nothing less than he had with the other officers. His voice trembled as he answered: “I was polite to him, as I was to all the other officers. That’s all.”  
  
“You’re sure you didn’t smile at him more? Maybe brushed up against him?” Jenkins pushed.  
  
“Objection, Your Honour. He’s leading the witness.” Laurie called, standing up.  
  
“Sustained. Master Jenkins I do not like what you’re implying here and I recommend you stick to more relevant matters.”  
  
“I think the fact Mister Odinson may have provoked my client is pretty relevant.” The lawyer answered.  
  
“Your Honour,” Matt protested this time, “Master Jenkins can not possibly be implying that all these victims provoked mister Hammer. If that were true than he is provoked by nothing more than a kid walking down the street.”  
  
“Mister Jenkins, I urge you to set aside this line of inquiry.” The judge said, bending forward over the counter. “It is not valid in light of the fact that the other victims had never met your client before he took them.”  
  
“Of course, Your Honour.” Jenkins agreed with a slimy smile that made Loki’s skin crawl. The small man cleared his throat once more and turned back to his prey, or at least that was the impression Loki received from him. “Can you tell us, Mister Odinson, how Justin Hammer appeared when you were with him in the cottage?”  
  
Loki frowned slightly, not sure he understood the question. “How he appeared?”  
  
“Yes,” Jenkins said, as if talking to a very small, very stupid child, “Was he happy, sad, angry perhaps?”  
  
“It varied.” Loki said, “He was ...” he hesitated a moment, searching for the right words. “He was rather full of himself the first days, later he became increasingly angry when he noticed that his coworkers were catching on to him.”  
  
“Was he happy when he cut you?” Jenkins asked, nearly conversationally.  
  
Hammer’s nearly manic grin was painted on the back of his eyelids when Loki closed them to take a deep breath. He bit down on his first retort, that Hammer was too sick a bastard to cry over such a thing. Instead he forced out “There was a fair amount of glee in him when he did so, yes.”  
  
“And arousal?” Jenkins pressed on.  
  
Loki felt his stomach turn. By the disquiet murmurs that sprung up from the jury and the spectators, he must have gone pale (or green) in the face at the memories those two words recalled. “Yes.” He said, aware of the fact that his voice trembled despite his best efforts to have it come out calm and collected.  
  
“Would you say that is normal human behavior, Mister Odinson?”  
  
 _No_ , Loki wanted to shout, _I think it’s the behavior of a sick, cruel animal that enjoys hurting others for kicks._ Matt and Laurie had warned him however that such questions were traps and that he should try to avoid answering them in the way the lawyers expected. Therefore he just said. “I wouldn’t know, I’m not a psychiatrist.”  
  
Jenkins looked disgruntled and much like Loki had just spoiled his birthday party. “I didn’t ask for an expert opinion, mister Odinson, I asked for yours. Would you consider what my client did to you and how this affected him to be normal?”  
  
It clicked for Loki then, where Jenkins was going with this. He was sure the police-lawyers had worked it out almost immediately and he wished he could ask them what he needed to say. He nervously wrung his hands together under the cover of the desk he was behind and gave a little shiver. It was obvious that Hammer was trying to be declared insane and so not responsible for his actions. But he wasn’t, at least not in that way. Loki’s shrink had called him a highly-functioning sociopath: capable of horrible things and smart enough to plan them out without getting caught.  
  
Loki swallowed twice more and then decided that if Jenkins wanted his opinion, he would have the whole of it and not just the part he wanted to hear. “I think he was sane enough to plan the kidnapping and meticulous murders of over 10 people, regardless of the fact that what he did with them and how he enjoyed it isn’t normal at all.”  
  
The lawyer considered him for a moment. Loki supposed he didn’t have much ammunition left. He had tried to make it look like it was the fault of the victims that they had been taken, then had tried to get a testimony saying his client was insane. Both had fallen through. Jenkins knew it too because after a while he shook his head and mumbled that he had no further questions, returning to his desk.  
  
“That concludes the witnesses.” The judge said, “Mister Odinson, I thank you for coming, you may go now.”  
  
Loki mumbled a quick thank you before standing. His legs felt a little wobbly and his thigh gave a painful throb when he first put his weight on it. He managed to follow the cleric out without falling on his face or breaking into tears from all the pent-up emotions inside of him. Thor must have followed him because as soon as he entered the room where they had been waiting earlier, his brother lifted him and spun him around. Thor was laughing and telling him how proud he was of him and all Loki could do was cry.  
  
Only this time they weren’t tears of anger or frustration or pain. They were tears of relief and joy. He wrapped his arms around Thor and cried for what felt like a small eternity. Thor rocked him gently from side to side, understanding without words that sadness had nothing to do with his inability to stop the tears from flowing into the nice shirt his brother was wearing.  
“I did it.” Loki finally managed to say. His voice was raw from crying, but the amazement at himself for what he had done still shone through.  
  
“You did.” Thor confirmed. “I couldn’t be more proud of you, brother.” They stood for a moment; arms around each other. “The jury will withdraw to debate now, although no-one thinks it will take long. Do you want to go back in when they announce the sentence?”  
  
Loki nodded. He fished in his pocket for his handkerchief, but found it a miserably wet mess. He pouted at it for a moment before Thor gave him his. He blotted at his eyes, trying to make himself look a little more presentable. Thor buttoned up his suit jacket to hide the wet stain from Loki’s tears.  
  
“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking guiltily at the now-concealed spot.  
  
“Don’t worry about it.” Thor said with a wink. He patted the pocket of his jacket and took out a candy-bar. “You want it? It’s supposed to help against headaches after you cry a lot. And you haven’t eaten anything yet…”  
  
Loki bit his lip for a moment while considering the state of his nerves and stomach. He took the bar and opened it, taking a small bite. “You haven’t eaten anything yourself so you can hardly chasten me.” He said with a small smile. Thor merely laughed and unearthed a second bar for himself.  
  
They barely had time to finish them and drink some water before the door opened and Natasha poked her head through. “The jury has returned.” She announced.  
  
Thor lifted an eyebrow at Loki, who nodded. They both followed after Natasha, going to stand inconspicuously near the doorway and out of view off the press. The people that comprised the jury were still taking their seats looking pleased with the verdict they were about to hand over.  
  
Thor took his hand and squeezed when the judge turned to the jury. “Mister chairman, have you and the others come to an agreement?”  
  
“We have, Your Honor.” A middle-aged black man said.  
  
“And how do you find the defendant?”  
  
“We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor.”  
  
The judge nodded as murmurs burst loose in the courtroom. He had to wait until the noise died down before he could speak again. Loki was nearly shaking apart, breathing hard and squeezing Thor’s hand back harder than he probably should.  
  
“Then I hereby sentence the defendant, Justin Hammer, to the full measure of the law on each count brought against him. Being imprisonment for life for each count of murder in the first degree, 20 years imprisonment for each count of rape, 5 years in prison and a fine of ten thousand dollar for each count of aggravated battery and 7 years for each count of kidnapping. You will be taken back to prison while we count up all the lifetimes you will be spending in your new abode. This court is dismissed.”  
Before Loki could do anything else, Thor and Nat took him back to the little side-room. Loki had just enough time to get a last look at the back of Hammer, who no longer looked bored at all.  
  
“We want to wait a while so the building can clear out.” Natasha explained. “Hopefully the press will follow after the prisoner so you can get home in peace.” She smiled softly at him. “That was really something what you did in there.”  
  
“Thanks,” Loki said, a slight self-deprecating smirk on his lips. “I couldn’t have done it without all of you helping me, though. I still thought I wasn’t going to be able to when they asked me to point him out.”  
  
“You were great.” Thor said, “I’m sorry for doubting you.”  
  
“You had every reason to doubt me.” Loki said, “Lords know I doubted myself. But that was the whole point: to show myself that I have to move beyond the doubting.”  
  
They stayed in hiding half an hour more, before Tasha gave the all-clear and she and Clint drove them back to their apartment. The rest of the unit was already waiting at their front door with pizza and champagne.  
  
“Classy.” Thor said as he opened the front door and let Loki in first so he could decide to escape to his room if the day had been too much for him. The dark-haired man gratefully did so, burying his face in his pillow and screaming out his joy at their victory. He joined the others half an hour later, finding out they had saved him a whole pizza.  
  
The television was turned on and when the news started, Phil hushed them all so they could listen. Of course they all knew what had happened, but seeing it confirmed on the air never hurt anyone. The reporter that had been present at the Court seemed pretty satisfied with the outcome as well and she wasted no time to let everyone know it.  
  
“Justin Hammer has gotten exactly what he deserves and will spend the rest of his life in a penitentiary facility. Our hearts and prayers go out to all the grieving families and the one boy that will bear the scars of this for the rest of his life. This closes the story here, back to the studio.”  
  
“And what about your story, Loki?” Steve asked as Phil muted the tv-set. Loki considered the question before answering. What about his own story? Did it end here as well? No, he no longer believed that it did. His story would carry on for quite a while yet: living with Thor, therapy, being able to look at himself in the mirror again, going back to school and getting a degree. Other things he couldn’t even fathom now like having strangers touch him or perhaps getting a girl- or boyfriend.  
  
He would take things one step at a time and see where that brought him. He smiled at Thor and Thor smiled back and all around him were happy people. The future would become brighter and brighter and Loki planned to reach for it every day.  
  
“My story?” he finally answered Steve, “My story might just have a happy ending.”  
  
FIN!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, all done! Thank you for all the comments and kudos, you've been a wonderful audience. Now excuse me while I think up what I can put my favorite characters through next time :D


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